A diary written by MasterMarc and Slave Stephan (09.05)

gal007-stephanH001[1]On the 5th of April, slave Stephan arrived in Zürich. On the schedule was a test to inspect his qualification as permanent slave. To be honest, the time of testing is for sure also a phase of testing my person, from his side. The diary of this test, which was finished already a few weeks ago, shows you the sensations and the thougts of the master. Also the slave depicts his train of thoughts and his adventures from this week (not avaiable at the moment). Some pictures are showing you snapshots of certain days.

The masters diary

Still ten days

It’s still about a week until Stephan will join the ranks at my home.  It is not my first time testing a permanent slave; nevertheless many different toughts keep running through my head. In these ten days, we had intense phone calls and long chats. The nervousness before such an open-end-test, even if it’s not my first time testing a permanent-slave for a longer time, is haunting me too. Yes, I really want to live with a permanent slave, who as such is bounded by me at my place. Nevertheless, the thougt that I’m only 30 years old is constantly scaring me. What are the changes of progression thereafter? How can I integrate the pig into my life, which also contains a large “not-sm-part?” Can I really accept the responsibility for that piece of mud, totally? A lot questions, and to be honest, I trust in my own power to do it. However, I’m very glad about my doubts, because they show me, that I don’t engage to my slave Stephan in an inconsiderate way, or just by instinct. This self-critical attitude is not a signal of lower self-consciousness but a sign of seriousness, and shows, that I’m conscious of the significance of my action.

What attracts me to slave, Stephan? Stephan is 19 years old and comes from the north of Germany. For a 19-years-old slave he is already very experienced. According to him, he already lived with a master for half a year. But for his taste, that master was not consistent enough. In between he has been testing a few other masters. These experiences show me, that Stephan is conscious of the significance of his decision. Often I tried to force self-doubts on his decision, with critical questions, which were showing the boaring and troublesome sides of a slave’s existance. But everytime I got very self-confident answers, which showed me, that the pig is realizing, what this decision means to him. That’s something that attracts me very much about Stephan. He knows what he wants and he doesn’t decide from a point of no way out, or of weakness for his slave-existance. It is a decision out of strenght, out of his own conciousness by his need. Many conversations about our both dreams, in which we themed living together, ownership, attitude to SM, personal point of view concerning long-time-slavery, also showed me, that we have similar imaginations. And that our needs are extensive complementing one another. Ok, I admit, everything about us is theory so far, but soon we will see, if it’s really so. In any event, I’m very curious and I’m looking forward to the 5th of  April.

What is important to us? For both of us this experience is based on trust and honesty, the consequence is very important. It shall become a really consequential enslavery. We are both aware of what will be a process of set-up, but clear rules should be maintained from the beginning. Stephan will not be a visitor, with whom you first get acquainted on human level and then change into slave-master-level. He is a slave from the beginning, without rights und own authority of determination, and he wants to feel that from the beginning. I’m not a master who unwinds his standard-schedule, has a master-board before the beginning of a session. I decide instinctively, because I also want to submit to the slave. Every slave is different. But I’m already worrying, how exactly I want to keep my slave and which rules should maintain from the beginning already – how the first hours and days will be like. It simplifies my mission enormously, that Stephan has a similar attitude and that he is looking to be locked up when he is not needed.

My last “free weekend”

The last week went by very quickly. On one hand I was busy with work an on the other hand I tried to come to understanding with the 24/7-situation. I read a lot again and talked to friends who have been living on 24/7 basis. I have friends, I know personally, who live in the situation as master already, and others who are slaves. In my opinion especially, the conversation with my slave friends is very important. The part and the point of view of the master I know by own experience. That’s in my character, my body, my brain, that’s what I understand.. The part of the slave will always be strange to me, because I do not know the need of surrender from own experience. I will never understand a slave. But I have to do my best, to carry out his needs again and again, so that I can submit to them.

Those who have already read the texts on my homepage know that I also see a serving part in the function of the master. He doesn’t serve the situation, but through his acting, he renders possible to life that kind of relationship, for both. The concrete tasks of the weekday between master and slave are indeed distributed very unequal to the favour of the master, for the responsibility which the master takes over his tasks, weights much heavier. While the slave may even give up responsibility for himself far reaching, the master takes over responsibility in such a relationship not only for himself and his action, but also for his property and the relation to him.

To be a master has its beautiful sides. You may enjoy life to the full, get your needs fulfilled and you can be spoilt totally by your slave. Many little tasks of the weekday are falling away. But anyone who thinks, that to be a master means that you are only interested in your own well-being, without regard to that of the slave, is wrong. Remember, the slave is free in his decision to serve. He will only serve someone on long term basis, if he receives, apart from the roughness, depravity, humilitation and punishment also safety, securety and warmth; which helps to build up trust.

I’m still alone as Stefan has not yet arrived. For that I’ll spend my weekend calm and enjoy the time at home all by myself. One of my slaves asked today via sms if he may serve me this weekend. That’s difficult to decide at the moment, because a bit of silence would be good for me, before the exciting days to come. I will let my level of passion decide later. Silence is also important for me. Nevertheless, I’m longing for the time, when a slave is with me for a longer period. I’m looking forward to next Tuesday and the time which follows. Just yesterday I got a mail from Thorstens master Sven, who was allowed to make a intenser and more comprehensive 24/7-time for the first time. During this time he got conscious of the affect and intenseness of this kind of living together. To be honest, I’ve to say, that I’m very proud of both of them. I am especially very glad about the immense development Sven has shown. To take over that responsibilaty at his age, is an intense sign of maturity. A phone-call from Torsten showed me the intenseness of the arrangement, which they experienced last week. Beside little troubles and also improvements, which I discussed with Torsten, (I’m a confidant to him and his master, with whom the slave is allowed to communicate without control), I’ve also talked with him about Stephan. These two hogs are of the same age..

On Sunday Stephan called me. His tension and anticipated joy was clearly detectable. We talked over the last details of his fligth. His mother, who was standing beside Stephan during the phone call, asked me to make sure, that she gets at least a postcard from Stephan. I was astonished and asked in a later phone call, how much she knows. I like that openness, because I don’t have anything to hide. She knew that he was coming to me in Switzerland. But she doesn’t know much more. Everything else would have me extremely surprised. I informed Stephan, that I don’t want to see any single body-hair on him on Tuesday. If the hog wanted to remain with me, he must be punished for a mistake he made last week. He needn’t remind me of this chastisement, because I’m already looking forward to give him the first deserved thrashing, to see how that little piece of mud can handle pain. I think for the first chastisement the belt will be the right instrument.

During the weekend I informed some dear friends, that I have a definitely slave who is visiting me from Tuesday for an unspecified time. These are the friends who will probably, after some time, be the first to witness Stephan being a slave in front of others. To exhibit the hog is for me an important instrument of enslavery. The demonstration is enforcing the consciousness of the existence as hog, because it brings the humiliation from a scope of intimacy to a public scope (my friends are strangers to him). Then he must, in front of others stand by his life as a slave thereby becoming extremely conscious of being a slave.

The hog is there

Yesterday, it was Tuesday. I was rather tired. It’s the day of the week when I’ve to start working at 7:30 a. m., and believe me I am and will never be an early riser. I especially felt tired as I spent nearly the whole night reading as I wanted to finish the sm-krimi “Master in his Business” by Larry Townsend. At 8:30 p.m. I was at the airport and waiting for the arrival of the plane from Hamburg. The slave was very nervous, what became apparent when he, completely beside himself, called me from the Midlife Dock, as he couldn’t imagine, that he had to take that small “Metro” to get to the arrival-lounge of the airport. There he was standing, facing me and I started with friendly conversation. On the way into the city we were starting again to talk about his imaginations, expectations and taboos, but also about his experiences. As I know that I immediately wanted to start with the master-slave-relation when we entered the apartment, we went to a restaurant in my neighbourhood for some more relaxed conversation. This conversation was very important for me because I don’t really believe in chats or phone calls. I wanted to see someone, while he gives me such important information, his eyes as well as his gesture, because miming and actions tell much more, and I’ve to learn to read the slave’s actions, because when he is tied up and gagged, it is his most important instrument to communicate.

When entering my apartment the slave took off his clothes and put all his personal stuff in a prepared basket. Then he kneeled down on the floor, legs wide apart. I again gave him time to think about, if he really wanted to serve and if he was ready to give up all his rights, with exeption of the taboos he named.  Repeatedly referring to many disadvantages of a slave’s life, I got the same answer over and over again: “Yes, I want to”.

With this security, I then started to shave the head of the slave. I was intentionally not shaving very carefully on the day resulting in the hog looking like a plucked hen. In my opinion it was important, that, besides the feeling of security, he also had to feel miserable, filthy and inferior from the beginning. And it was really possible, because I was planning to make sure, that the hog would not leave the apartment in the first days like one does with a cat which was moved to a new home to impress its environment on it by not being allowed to leave the apartment in the first days.

In my opinion it was also important that the hog regarded this time as a punishment. Many delays, at best in unpleasant positions had to give the slave the very intense feeling of powerlessness. After a while, the hog was tightly tied in the pillory. For a incident that happened ten days ago, the slave had earned his first punishment already and he was eagerly awaiting this punishment. 15 lashes with the belt on his naked ass, made him realise the first time that punishment would not be pleasurable. After a while, the hog was rinsed, because he had to realise that I did not drill in his shit. After an even longer time in the toilet he was allowed to produce evidence that he had qualities to spoil me – with his arms fixed on his back, while I continued watching TV. His basic knowledge in licking feet was acceptable, and in giving blow-jobs the hog was also not too bad.

And then it was time to spend our first night. As I saw this phase as a time of increasing our trust, the hog was allowed to sleep in my bed cuddling with me. For sure I used his closeness to get licked, massaged, or getting a blow-job, but also to fuck the thigt ass from time to time. To stay overnight in my bed would be a reward in future but this first night together was very succesful. I felt how the hog was feeling better, the longer he was staying with me.

Today, it’s Wednesday, I showed him my apartment and where to find what. After that he got the announced lashes with the whip. I promissed him 20, he asked for 30. Well, such wishes from I slave you fulfill with pleasure. Tight in the Spread-Eagle he was bravely counting along, even when one could clearly notice the intensity of my lashes by the sound of his gagged voice. After a time of relaxing the hog was plugged, the harness was tried on and his cock was locked up with a chastity-belt (cb 3000). As I had a few things to settle and wanted to write this entry too, he was fixed to a wall, kneeing with stretched arms on both sides and wide stretched chained legs. One could hear and see that he was struggling.

Imprisoned Thursday

Yesterday was Wednesday. I visited friends for an hour and a half, while the hog found his residence in the cage. For the first time, the hog was for a short time alone, chained behind iron bars and isolated from the environment. For me this time was a test as to how long the hog could stand the imprisoned loneliness. When I came home from visiting my neighbours, I saw that the piece of mud was enduring the loneliness very well. That was what he told me also before, that he was looking forward to be locked away for the time he was not needed. Nevertheless I wanted to make sure that he really could stand it, because on Thursdays I had to work the whole day. The night he spent chained beside the bed on the floor. Shortly before 8:00 a. m. the hog had to be ready to lick me and give me a blowjob and to serve me a coffee afterwards. I actually never had breakfast, but a big cup of milk-coffee I really need urgently every morning. The hog, since moving in with me, only got my piss to drink and thus every morning got the rest of my dinner, and another bowl with water. I kept the time for eating short, so that the trough was still half full as I closed him into the cage. The hog got a sleeping-bag and a big PET-bottle with him into his “guest-room”. The peace of mud was fixed on his collar with a chain, after that I closed the cage. The bottle was ment for to piss into, but had to be empty again when I arrive in the evening. It was 9:00 a. m. and I left my apartment …

Although I was passing by at my apartment at lunch-time, I resisted the temptation to go in and look how the little piece of mud was doing. Not before 6:00 p. m. I entered my apartment again and was astonished as to how good the slave got over this lonely imprisonment. The information he gave me before he came over seemed to be not only idle talk. I let the hog welcome me intensely. After that, the slave had to eat up the rest of his breakfast. So that the contents of the trough was not to dry, I refined it with my piss. It was really sweet to see, how his snout pressed into that trough, and then rised up again, soiled with this combination of tomato-sauce and piss. There you saw, that you can call this slave hog with reason. The hog was coverd up pretty large with abuses, while he was fed. And he was ordered to bark three times when the trough is sparkling. One could see that this kind of humilitation including the barking offended him very much. The first break-out since his installation followed. He raised his voice in a way which was everything else then suited. After that I didn’t react with punishment at once, but tried to talk with him, because we were still in the process of building trust. In a peaceful conversation, in which I was also asking him if he would accept his behaviour in my position, the situation was cleared up. So that he can be caught, a calmer phase with physical nearness followed. During that I directed him again, that the phases of nearness and reagard will become less and less as time goes by, and the phases of physical and mental demand will become intenser and intenser. Yes, he knew that, and yes, he wanted that.

After such statements I couldn’t resist, to bring him to his borders. With flex’ I fettered him in a way that he couldn’t restrain anymore, and used him physically. When I sensed that he really was reaching his limits, he started doubting in his progress, and actually wanted to stop, I took the rubber-gag, held it in front of his snout and said: “You take this gag in your mouth now, or we stop this test now.” I was 80 % sure, that he would swallow the gag, but to be true, the possibility that he would gag really existed. But it’s better to find out such things early. He resistantly took the gag but by his own will into his mouth, whereupon I further used him, worked out his ass with fingers and dildos, before I started to fuck him hard. After a while I released him again, and a calmer phase, including conversation and watching TV, followed. Though I didn’t want to overchage him, I asked him, if he as a result of his failings that day, wanted to have 30 lashes then, or 40 the next day. He opted for the latter. That night, he was allowed to spend with me in my bed, after all these tests to his limits borders and the whole day on the hard floor of the cage.

The first regular day

Though I had an unusual meeting on that Friday morning, the alarm-clock was ringing again at 8:00 a. m.. The morning-ceremony with spoiling the master by licking and giving blow-jobs, the preparation of my coffee was already working well. Before I went to the meeting, I chained the piece of mud in the kitchen and entrusted him with the job to to clear away and clean the kitchen. When I came back the hog was not quite ready and I let him go on. I myself began to work with TV-pictures of the funeral of the pope in the background. When the slave was ready, we talked and cuddled for a while. We talked about or sensations, expectations, aso., and also analysed the development of the slave.

After that, the slave was allowed to begin with his diary. In his diary he was to write down his experiences since the 5th of April, sketched his thoughts and feelings and also a review about his cum-times and the self imposed general rules. Concerning the cum-times, there was not much to write yet. Since his arrival at my place me, a chastity-belt prevented him from ejaculation meaning his last time was before he joined up with me.

I interrupted the diary-writing of the slave, with another spoil- and fucksession. I really had passion and fuck the piece of mud violently, deep and hard. Once I had my satisfaction the hog was allowed to go on with writing in his diary.

Before 5:00 p. m. I took a shower and made myself ready for the two hours I had to lecture in the evening. Before leaving the house, I chained the hog standing to the wall, with collar, leather-cuffs on wrists and ankle joints. A black textile-sack was tilt over his head and a ball-gag was squeezed into the waistband. The clamps on the  nipples completed the scene. Defenceless, chained and blinded the hog was allowed to wait for my return three hours later without knowing for how long I would be away.

As I returned home from work at 7:30 p. m., I knew, that the slave actually expected that I will unchain him immediately. As I passed by him, I nipped him soft, just to check out, if his reaction was still ok. After that I sat down in the living room, and familiarised myself with the most important happenings of the day by watching the news. Only after that I released the slave from his unpleasent situation. Though we were still in the process of getting to know each other, a small feedback-phase followed in my bed, in which also some tenderness was shared.

After 11:00 p. m. I left the house again because I had a date for a beer with some friends in “Männerzone”. During that time the slave was again in his “room”. Cage-carriage is and will always be the suitable carriage for this species, in my opinion. When I returned home, I watched a bit of TV. The slave was fetched from the cage and was allowed to lay in front of the sofa, near me. The night he spent chained beside my bed on the floor.

If I cast a retrospective glance at the Friday, I must say, that I was very surprised as to how fast the slave-existence, the life with Stephan has become routine. How we both accepted this new way of life for the right one for us. So I will for sure not give up going out with friends, mutual visits also. The life of the slave changed completely as he had more or less no more life of his own. For sure I, as master also paid regard to my slave’s needs, but I didn’t show that to him, at least not clearly. But in my opinion it was important that the slave knew that I was taking care of his well-being very intense, even if I often attended to his “unwell-being.”

Difficult days

At some time or another it had to happen –  the crise??? of sense of the slave. The last weekend was coloured by it. On Saturday afternoon I woke up, untied the chain of the slave and let him slip into my bed. We cuddled and I let him spoil me, and just used him a little bit. He felt well. After that an intense day of cleaning was on his schedule. He was forced to get my whole apartment to be sparkling clean.

While cleaning the floor wet or with the vacuum sweeper it was for sure taboo to stand and walk. How it is commandment, the slave did it on his knees. I was rather contented with the result of the slave’s job.

After cleaning the appartment I had to acquit a familiar date. Though I wanted to use the hog afterwards, he was allowed to stay in the bathroom and clean himself carefully while I was with my family. That means to empty and rinse his colon, to take a shower and shave his whole body. Normally a slave is never allowed to close a door behind him in my appartment, because especially the deprivation of the self-determined privacy is in my opinion an important part in the life of a slave. Today I locked the hog up in the small bathroom. Though visiting my family can take some hours, I gave the leather-handbook to the hog in the bathroom. As I came back home and unlocked the bathroom, I found the hog kneeing on the bathing-mat, reading in the handbook. I put him on his collar and the cuffs again. In addition I put him on a leather-mask with gag, closed the patches and deposited him in the cage.

Suddenly the door-bell was ringing. A dear friend was visiting me. We have been talking for a while as my friend, too, in the last time had been interested in SM – the more information he got about SM, the intenser his interest was – he wanted to see the hog, who was kneeing in the cage. Me myself I’m handling my SM-preference very open. As I don’t tell everyone that I’m gay, not everyone has to know, that I’m into SM. But my friends (if hetero or gay, if vanilla-sex-fans or SM-freaks), and people who are asking me about, know about my preferences. For sure I enjoy, that I don’t look like the stereotype of a gay SM-master. But concerning this case, I just can say: “Still waters run deep!”

After my friend has left, I had to go out for half an hour, too. The piece of mud stayed in the cage while that. After my return, I began to prepare dinner. As I love to cook, and this persuits is an creative alternation to my week-day, it is a job, that I unwillingly cede to slaves. I prepared my plate and also filled the trough of the slave. Before I took place, I fetched the slave out of the cage and we had dinner together. Me sitting on the table, the cur beside the table on his knees on the floor. After dinner I took place in the living-room to watch tv, and let also the slave a bit of time to digest, because after that 50 slashes have been on the program. I knew, that he was waiting for them with passion, but has huge respect of them too. Therefore I postboned that action, so he could live to see the situation in his toughts and senses again and again in advance. This mixture of feelings from positive expectation and healthy fear is an important point in training a slave.

The slave was thight up with chains on arm and legs between two walls. Now he was brave waiting in cute X-position. This position, like on the cross but without the selfsame pleases me much more, because the slave is standing open in the room and accessible from both sides, without being “protected” by a wood-cross. A black silk-sack over his head and a rubber-gag in his mouth injured percetion of the piece of mud. I fetched five different instruments for punishment from my collection and layed them over the shoulder of the slave. The first instrument was a broad leather-belt, followed by three lashes with different kind of leather-quality (from soft to hard leather) and finally the cane. You felt and saw the tension, but also the fear of the slave as I took the lashes from his shoulders and startet to caress him with the belt. I lifted up my arm and the first ten passed through slashes with the leather-belt smacked on his ass. Broad red weals in which the pattern of the holes in the belt were copied, have been glowing up. The slave groaned and you saw that he tried to step aside from the whacks, what was not possible, because he just could move a few centimeters as he was tied hard. After the first ten slashes I softly squeezed him close to me for a few moments, to show him, that I don’t do that from malignity, but because I like him. After that I took the first lash in my hand and started to caress him again. In such moments you notice, that the fear is mostly stronger then the pain. The second series of ten slashes found the way on his ass. Countless fine stripes of the lash united to the broad stripes from the belt. After that, the third series with the next lash followed without a break, this time on the back and the upper thighs. The slave was fighting against his tears. I took him into my arms and gave him warmness. Thereby I noticed, that he wants to have the whole 50 slashes. Would I stop now, I ‘d make him lose a big inward succes. I just felt, that the volition to struggle through was much stronger then the fear of the pain, although the two last strong wack-instruments were still standing out. I took the hard leather lash into my hand and lashed on the wall beside the slave. He also tried to step aside from these wacks, though they didn’t touch him at all. You noticed that after each wack, he tried to localice the pain, because his ears signalized him, that he should feel heavy pain. After a few slashes against the wall, the fourth ten slashes followed, again on his back. His reactions became jumpy more intense. The exertion of his muscles brought the skin nearly to burst, but the chains prevented violent movement. Now he must feel very defenceless. I enjoyed it.

After that I made the hog again off from his anchoring and we watched tv a bit together. After a while I chained the hog and ordered him, to make himself ready for fucking on the bed. As I came to the sleeping room a bit later he grumbled at me. I was astonished because I knew from the preference of the slave to be chained and fucked. There must be something else, that’s the reason for his reaction. We discussed the situation a bit, but with little success. He had to go chained into his cage and spend the night like that.

As I fetched him into my bed the next morning, I still felt a bit of declining. I took him off the chains and then it started, the big break-down. He began to snarl, to turn from me and to weep. My question, what the reason is, was not answered. So I left the bedroom. After a few minutes I came back, because the well-being of the hog is really important to me. He cuddeld at me and weeped, weeped, weeped. He is missing his friends, he can’t stand it no more, he’s not ready for that yet …

I hugged him and told him, that today a very normal day is lying ahead. I wanted to show him the city and he should have the possibility to feel well and to think over the last days. We took a shower together and he spoilt me by soaping me and carried about my well-being. After that we went to the city and I showed him the old town of Zürich. In the evening we prepared dinner together and he was allowed to eat very normal with me at the table. After that we were watching tv together. It must have been around 9:00 p. m. as he showed his readiness to serve again by himself. Symbolical I put him on his collar again and we moved to the bedroom, where I enjoyed it very much to fuck him hard. I love to fuck! For the first time he smirked while I fucked him and he was really relaxed during the fuck. I think his trust in my person increased again today. We fell into sleep.

In the middle of the night, I woke up and saw how that little piece of mud was sleeping peaceful laying on his stomach beside me. His tight ass was presented me in full splendour and my cock got so hard. I put over a condom, and distributed gel on his slut on a large scale. After that I started to slide into him gentle and slowly. He was still sleeping and groaned dreaming. It was simply very hot. I started to fuck him. First soft, then the intensity increased. Still he groaned sweetly to oneself and I noticed, that he started to wake up. More and more violent I fucked his cute tight ass and I enjoyed it to pump my hard cock full of enthusiasm, deeper and deeper inside him. His ass was claped to my lap more and more violent. It was so cute! After I was satisfied, we slept again, cuddled together.

On Monday I got up before the hog and made my coffee by myself. I let the piece of mud sleeping a bit longer this day. As he got up later, I told him that he shall shave, rinse and shower himself. As he was ready with that, I  spoilt him with a warm glas of cocoa. I gave this day to him to think over all the last days since he arrived, and we had a lot of conversation. He was writing into his diary and I worked a bit. All in all it was a cosy day. Nevertheless I felt, that internal, he was fighting with a huge conflict. I wanted to give him the time he needed. The conversation which followed again and again was really ok. The night he spent in the cage.

On Tuesday morning I had to get up early. I woke him up, but he just turned around in his cage. Another resultless try followed. As I was in a hurry, I made my coffee by my own, took a shower and got ready. Before I left, I locked up the cage again.

During the whole morning I had to think about Stephan. I knew, that he is not that far, as he thought before the test. The life as permanent-slave might be in a few years the right way of living for him, but not now. He is very slavish submissive but not in the right situation of live at the moment, in which he can devote himself completely to a master. Stephan had already gone through a lot in his life and he had experienced many disappointments too. I didn’t want to be another disappointment for him and so I was waiting for his decision to give up, and I felt, that this point is coming soon.

Yes, in advance he was a bit famming to cheat. He told, that he had already been serving for longer time, which was relativating itself more and more in the conversations we had during the passed week. He indeed was living with two “masters”, but they haven’t been really ones. In my opinion these has been elder men, who enjoyed, to have a young guy with them. For sure there happened a bit of SM in this period, but he never had to feel any consequences. His loss on freedom was minimal during that time. That’s no serving in my opinion. For that I’ve set master in inverted commas before. I felt, that Stephan needs a man in his life who gives him command but also support, safety and warmness. But I feel that he is not ready to dedicate his life to someone completely. I wait for his breaking off …

At midday I came home, I released him from the cage and after that we were talking. We decided to break the test off. In the late afternoon, I had a few dates and after I organised his journey home. Wednesday we spent again together with a sightseeing-tour through the city before he departed in the evening.

Stephan is a lovable human being and I wish all the best for him. I’m sure he will further practice SM and maybe he will start a life as permanent slave one day. But I think that will take it’s time. I hope, that the masters, who will welcome him for sessions from time to time, will treat him careful but consequent. I hope they’ll give him the feeling to be a piece of mud, but I hope much more, that the masters in their interior are full of care and caution. That’s what he needs. For my sake, do not disappoint and hurt, that little piece of mud!

The slaves diary

Arrival at the Master

It was 8:00 a. m., the alarm-clock was ringing. I got up and went to the bath-room and got ready for my departure. As I had to catch the train at 1:00 p. m., there was enough time for me to gather myself, because today was the great day. So I spent the next two hours in the tub and was thinking about what will await me. It was a funny feeling, because I still couldn’t believe, that today was the day finally I was going to Zürich. At 12:00 midday I was ready and left to catch my tram. In the tram I was reflecting a bit, how it will be, and if my imaginations will prove right. A lot has been turning over in my mind. How will the master look like in real? Is he really like I imagine him to be? Arriving at the railway-station I still had 25 minutes until the departure of my train. The train was already at the platform, so that I could enter it. During the next two and a half hours in the train, again thoughts were running through my had, concernig what will await me. Is 24/7-slavery really what I’m looking for? Can I stand the toils. How will it be to serve a master around the clock? Arriving in Hamburg finally, I was looking for the shuttle-bus to the airport. The transfer to the airport lasted 30 minutes and my heart was beating wildly. Suddenly I could see the airport. It was really huge, and my nervosity increased immeasurable. At terminal number one, I quickly found the check-in of “AirBerlin”. After checking-in, I still had to wait one hour for the take-off. My hands were sweaty and again my thoughts were running about things that will come. At 6:50 p. m. I went on board, took place on a seat at the window, fastened the seatbelt and just looked out of the window. The plane started to move. Again, my heart started to beat stronger until we reached a height of about 33.000 feet. It was a magnificent feeling to be above the clouds and I really enjoyed to let my thoughts stray away.

The one and a half hours were passing by so quickly. After landing in Zürich, I called my master, so that he could explain me, how to get from my terminal to our meeting-point. I had to take a small metro to get out of the terminal number E. Now I just had to pass the customs and then I would see my master. As I arrived in the lounge, the master quickly found me and was already coming my way. He welcomed me and we started a very normal conversation. He told me, that we will first of all go to a restaurant for talking and having a drink. In the inn we were again talking about my experiences, imaginations and taboos. After that we went to his appartment.

Now it was time to start! After arriving in the appartment, I took off my clothes and put all my personal stuff  in a box, prepared by my master. I kneeled down on the floor, my legs wide apart, my forehead was touching the floor and I was waiting for what will happen.  My master left the room and came back after a few minutes, he put me on hand-cuffs, took place on my back, caressed me and asked again if I really want to serve. I affirmed. After that he left again. After about ten minutes he came back and started to cut my heir off the head with a maschine. As he was ready, he put a black silk-sack over my head, and let me wait, not without asuring me, that I’ll get my first slashes, for a mistake I made last Friday, very soon. As he came back to pick me up, I felt really precarious. I had to follow him blindfolded, with his hand in my neck and very soon I found myself again with fixed hands and head in the pillory. I got my first really hard slashes and as he released me after a while, I started to thank him for the slashes by kissing his feet. After that he took place on the couch, and I was allowed to spoil him by licking him and giving him blowjobs. After midnight we went to bed and as it was my first night, I was allowed to sleep in the bed with my master.

First services

We woke up around 2:00 p. m. He asked me, weahter the piece of mud is fine and if I slept well. I answered both questions with “well”. After that I licked, how he orderd me, his feet again. Later my master got up and I followed him to the kitchen, crawling on my knees. In the kitchen I was allowed to stand up and he showed me the way he likes his morning-coffee and where to find what in the kitchen. As he was ready, I had to knee down again and he put me on my collar. Furthermore he put me on leather-cuffs on my wrists and ankle joints, and sliped a leather-mask over my head. The look-out slits have been covered with a patch and a gag found the way into my mouth.  He fixed me with spreaded arms and legs then and let me wait for a few time in this position. By being blindfolded I lost every feeling for time. Suddenly I felt my master again, as he was heavy torturing my nippels. After about 20 minutes I felt a lash lying over my shoulder. He left again, yet came back soon, caressed me a bit with the slash and orderd me to count along every single slash loud and clearly. He started  and the first slash was still really ok. But with every further slash it began to pain me more and more. However I was counting along bravely. It was really lustful to feel the weals of the slash, a heavy pain, but very lustful. After every ten slashes he gave me a brake and caressed me a bit. As he finished the 30 slashes he took fotos of me. After that he released me, but chained me again on arms and legs, kneeing in a corner. This position was everything else then convenient. I was fighting against the chains. And I could hear, that my master was amusing himself and that he took fotos of me again from time to time.

After about an hour he released me again an we went to the bedroom. There he took the gag out of my mouth and also untied the eye-patch then. He asked me how that little piece of mud is feeling. I really was well and I licked his legs through the mask. Then he took off the mask and ordered  me to lay down on my frontside. Short time later I felt his fingers in my hole to  relax me. Suddenly he squeezed in with his cock and fucked me rough. I was rather cramped, because it was still unpleasent to me. After a while he made a break and I was allowed to cuddle with him. That gave me a very nice feeling. As he fucked me the second time, I already was really much more relaxed. After that he plugged me and put on me a harness. In addition, he put me on a chastity-belt and I was prisoned to the cage. In the cage, my collar was fixed with a chain and the cage have been locked up two times. I was lying in the cage like a dog and the master took again pictures of me. After that he left, because he had a few things to settle. In this 90 minutes lying in the cage I had time to think about many things. I’m pleased with the cage. It was a secure feeling. After 11:00 p. m. (I only could see the watch, when I was out of the cage) he released me again. I was crawling to him on my knees and startet to lick his feet. Afer I spoiled him for about an hour in front of the couch we went sleeping. I had to sleep beside the bed on the floor, chained like a dog. The plug and the chastisty-belt have been very uncomfortable and pained me a bit, so that I couldn’t fall into sleep for a while.

The day in the cage

At 8:00 a. m. the alarm-clock was ringing. The sir released me and fetched me into his bed, where I was allowed to cuddle with him and to lick his feet. After that I was crawling to the kitchen on my knees and prepared his coffee. As he finshed it, I got my breakfast from the trough. I got pasta with tomato-sauce, which my master didn’t finish yesterday evening. After that, I was chained into the cage again. I got a sleeping-bag into the cage, in addition an empty PET-bottle, for the case that I have to piss. The bottle has to be empty again and the cage clean and dry, when my master returns home in the evening.  Then he left and switched off the light. I was left behind in darkness. The first few hours I tried to sleep, and it worked rather good until I had to piss for the first time. I took the bottle and pissed into it. But due to the chastity-belt, some of my piss didn’t get into the bottle, but on the floor of the cage. First I licked the floor, befor I started to empty the content of the bottle. I slept again until about 2:00 p. m. as I woke up again, because the hard floor became uncomfortable. I tossed around in the cage and soon I had to piss again. This time even more ran on the floor and I startet to lick up the puddle again, waited until the floor was dry again. Then I layed down again and tried to sleep for a few time more. But it didn’t work at all, because I didn’t know on which side I should lay down. My whole body was aching.

I estimated, that my master will be back home around midnight, but he was already there around 6:00 p. m. He put me out of the cage and I was allowed to eat the pasta I didn’t finish this morning. My master refined my dinner with his piss after I started with the first bites. Now it tasted even much better. As I had finished my dinner, I had to lick my trough splendid, and after that I’d to wash it for final cleaning.

After that I was crawling to my master into the bedroom and I kneed beside his bed. After a while I got the permission to slip into the bed to him and to cuddle with him, to lick his feet and to give him blow-jobs. After that I had to lay down on my frontside again. He began to fuck me very hard but I startet to restrain, because it was very unpleasent to me. So he tied me up, slided again inside me with his cock and put a round gag before my snout. He told me, and his voice sounded vigorous, that I can continue to restrain myself and the test will be over then, or I can take the gag into my mouth and behave like a real slave. I took the gag into my mouth and he fixed it. After that he took a dildo to relax and wide me. After the dildo a plug followed which he could blow up with a pump inside me, which made my asshole really wide. As he had enough he went to the living-room. I had to follow him in doggy-possition as usual. He was watching tv and meanwhile I was licking his feet, his ass, his balls and his cock. Suddenly he started to play with my nippels and to strike my balls with a riding-whip. First I reacted a bit offesive, but composed myself rather quickly. After he a while we had a bit conversation concerning my day and my adventures today. For reward, I was allowed to sleep in his bed this night.

The day of 40 slashes

As the alarm-clock was ringing, it was again 8:00 a. m. As usual I licked my masters feet and prepared his coffee then. The master had to join a meeting and I was cleaning the kitchen in the meantime. Thereby my collar was applied to a long chain which was fixed to the wall. As my master was back home around 10:00 a. m. I was still cleaning. As I got ready in the kitchen, I got my breakfast. Again it was the rest of his dinner from last evening, a escalope with pasta al pesto. But he already chewed it for me, while he was having his dinner yesterday. After having my meal, I had to clean my teeth and then to wait for him in the bedroom, down on my knees. There I was allwed to spoil him then. After that I got the order to write this diary. I should describe all previous days. Now it is 4:30 p. m. and I’m writing since 12:30 p. m. already. My master has to leave soon. And as it seems I’ll be chained to the wall, while he is out.

Yes, I’ve been chained to the wall again. My legs spreaded, the collar fixed by two chains from above, and the arms in normal position, chained on both sides. I got a gag into my mouth and the silk-sack was put on my head. At last he put me on titt-clamps and left. I was standing on the wall, chained and surrendered, and the titt-clamps have been hurting like hell. But I felt that pain as a very lustful feeling, which I really need. After about 15 minutes the master came back. He had been shopping in this time. Before he left again, he put off the titt-clamps, because he didn’t want to leave me alone for serveral hours with the clamps on my nippels yet. Then he left again and I was standig there still defenceless chained at the wall and completely surrendered. It’s uncomfortable lustful to get this feelings. After more then two hours, MasterMarc came back home. Again he didn’t release me at once, but only after I was chained for one hour more. The feeling yet became even more lustful now.

Then he released me from the wall, directed me to the living-room and put off the gag and the sack. Now I was allowed to lick his feet and his cock. He went to the bedroom, I was crawling behind him. On the bed he let spoil himself from head to toes. I licked and massaged him. For my reward he fucked me so hard afterwards, that I really had to suffer. But it is so lustful, to be surrendered to someone, who takes what he wants from you. He really fucked me very hard and lustfull.

As he was ready, he showed me what will expect me on Saterday. 50 slashes! He told me, that he will also bring the cane into action. Then I had to lie down on my frontside again, because he wanted to show me, how the cane feels by giving me one or two slashes. The pain satisfied me and I felt again this need of pain, this dependency from the well-being of my master. These feeling are what I’m looking for and what I need.

Now my master was leaving again. He placed me into the cage and locked it. I fell into sleep and slept a while. As MasterMarc was back he put me out of the cage and told me that I should crawl to the living-room, because he has another reward for me. It was chocolate mixed with potato-chips in my trough. I love both of them, but in that moment I was not hungry. However, I licked the masters feet and cock to thank him for this reward. He told me I was allowed to fetch the met and make myself comfortable beside the sofa and I may watch tv with him. We had a bit of conversation while we were watching tv. Suddenly he told me to knee upright. He stood up in front of  me, pressed his cock into my mouth and started to piss. I started to swallow. This beverage tastes so good to me and I love to drink directly from the fountain. After that we were watching tv again for a while before we went to bed. I lay down on the right beside the bed on the floor again and was fixed with a chain on my collar. The floor is my empire. It pleases me, the floor!

Housework and punishment

On Saturday the master woke me up at around midday. As usual I craweld into the kitchen, to prepare the coffee for the master. As I served him the coffee to his bed, I was allowed to slip in and cuddle a bit with him. Then it started. He fucked me. It was extremly lustful for me, because he is a real great fucker, he fucks persistently and hard.

Then I got the order to clean his appartment. For this work I was allowed to go upright, exept when I was cleaning the floor wet and when I was vacuuming, I had to do these two jobs on my knees. As I was ready with cleaning after a few hours, I was allowed to clean, to rinse and to shave myself. I knew, that my master had to go out again today and I was arrested in the bath-room. After two hours he came back. At this time I was ready with preparing myself for the master and I was kneeing on the floor and reading in the leather-handbook. He seized me, covered my head with a leather-mask, with patch and gag, put me on the cuffs and locked me into the cage. A bit later, I heard that my master had a visitor. But I couldn’t see anything because of the patch on the mask. I could hear, that my sir was showing me to his guest. It was a strange feeling, to be presented to strangers like an animal in a zoo-cage, as naked and as surrendered as I was. Strange but very lustful.! After a while my master and his guest left the appartment again. I was still in the cage.

As MasterMarc came back home, he didn’t put me out. Only after one more hour in the cage, I was taken out. He had cooked for both of us and I got a warm, normal meal: rice, with curry-sauce, chicken and fruits. The sir was sitting at the table, I ate beside the table from my trough. Eating such a warm meal from the trough is not that easy, and I scalded my nose two times, as I was pressing my face to deep into the trough.

I knew, that I’d still get 50 slashes tonight. But before we were watching tv a bit. And finally it was time to start. I was chained like on a cross between two walls. My arms has been as well spreaded wide as my legs, so I was fixed in X-position. Again I got a gag into my moth and the silk-sack was tilt over my head. The sir left for fetching the utensils for torturring me: one belt, three lashes and one cane. He put all of these intstruments over my left and right shoulder, then he took one after the other down from my shoulders and caressed me a bit with it. Then he really started. The first 30 slashes have been more or less innocent, compared to the last 20. I felt each slash and the pain that was connected with them. I love pain. So I really wanted to get these last 20 slashes. It was an brutal, very awful kind of pain, but still very lustful for me. After the last slash, he hugged me for a moment, took some fotos of me and released me. Then I was allowed to watch tv for a while.

Suddenly he stood up to fetch something. He put me in irons like a prisoner. One chain that connected the collar and the cuffs on arms and legs. I also like chains very much, they are cute. Then I had to go to the bedrom, lay myself on the bed on my frontside and grease my slut. As he came to the bedroom after a few minutes, too, I was in the pouts and I was grumbling a bit at him. That didn’t please him at all. We had a short conversation on this theme, then I had  to go into the cage – my room – and I had to sleep in chains.

My crisis

On Sunday about 1:00 p. m. he took me out of the cage and I was allowed to come into my masters bed. I dind’t feel well at all. I wanted to give up and was weeping. I just couldn’t stand the situation anymore. My sir turned the cold shoulder on me at this moment, went out of the bedroom and left me alone in my misery. I went on weeping. After a few minutes he came back and we talked while we were cuddling each other. Thereby he submitted very intense to me. After that, he decided that we will spend our day normally today. He wanted to show me the city. We went for a very nice walk through that very beautiful city Zürich. As we came back home, we prepared dinner together and I was allowed to have dinner with MasterMarc by sitting with him at the table. After that we lay down in front of the tv, to watch together.

Around 9:00 p. m. my volition to be a piece of mud began to come back. I was his little hug again. He ordered me to the bedroom, he fucked me hard and it was the first time that I beamed with joy, while he did it. It was a very lustful feeling and felt well with the intense, to

be needed. After watching a bit tv again we went to bed. I was allowed to sleep with my master in his bed. Suddenly I woke up from something. Then I realized, that my sir was already fucking me for a while, during I was sleeping. Feeling to have nothing to decide was very intense at that moment. The wake-up-fuck was lustful, really lustful!


The week with MasterMarc was very lustful and nice. I got a bit insight into different things, f. e. how it is to be locked into a cage or to be chained on a wall for hours. Also eating from the trough was an interesting and cool experience. I also took along very much with me, and I’ll try to enjoy this kind of life to the full. What pleased me especially was the caring of MasterMarc, but also his consequence. All in all I’m very happy to have been acquainted with MasterMarc. The day as I fell into heavy crises and we went to the city then and he showed me Zürich was a very nice day for me, indeed. As I already said, MasterMarc is a very honest, confident man, and very cautious, too.

Now I get to the point, why I break up the test. At the beginning, I was thinking, “Wow, that’s what you are looking for.”, and it pleased me although I had my times of misery. I thought over about many things. So my display of feelings came very often and hard, I was not able to go any further and I noticed, that I’m not ready for a life as permanent-slave. Therefore I came to the decission, because it would have brought no result, if I would have continued, although I don’t want to live as a permanent slave, and MasterMarc would also have been hindered to go any further. Because of my mixed feelings it was more and more impossible to continue. There have been moments in which I enjoyed it to be tortured but suddenly I got a bad feeling with it, a kind of blockade. A feeling, that was like that, that I restrained against how MasterMarc has been treating me. Then I just couldn’t stand the situation anymore. I just wanted to run off or to hide somewhere, because I didn’t feel that the situation was lustful anymore. It was simply a feeling like “I don’t want that and it isn’t lustful anymore!”, but nevertheless it was at no time a feeling of being abused, because it was just not lustful at these moments. I just didn’t want to go on in these moments and as these phases came more and more often – to often – and we didn’t develop, my decission to break up was the best solution, even if I would have loved to acquire more experiences. There was something in my brain and in my stomach, that told me: “You are not ready for that, yet.” These feelings have been decisive for my break-up. There has been another feeling, indeed. Nevertheless I felt very safe and secure at MasterMarc. He gave me the feeling to be safe, even though I didn’t show him that at any time. This master is a real master and not an idiot, urged by his lust. He knows what he is looking for and how he is acting. But nevertheless it’s not the right thing for me, yet.

Slave Stephans advices for other slaves

I just can tell every boy, to consider exactly what he is looking for and if he is sure, that he wants to live it and not to hide this part of himself, as I did it for a very long time. It is a part of us, that masochistic part. Now I live it and I enjoy it. It is very lustful to feel pain and to be surrendered. It is not a perverse feeling, it’s normal. Don’t care about others, hear what your hearts are saying and live your phantasies and don’t hide them. That makes you miserable. It is a part of your life. That feeling to take pain upon yourself and to surrender is a feeling of coming true and of passion, not of perversity, what other people, not used to sm, may think or say. That’s not true. Now it’s five years, that I live my secret, my masochistic part. But only since one week I noticed that it’s nothing perverse, but it’s a normal feeling, and it’s lustful. Although I just know that since one week, it is true, this part inside you is there to be lived out and not to hide it and just to wank with these phantasies. Live them! Be honest to yourselfes and concede your passion of pain and to be surrenderd. It’s nothing bad. At the beginning, you will be thinking about what you are doing from time to time, but after a short time, you will notice, that you want and need it; the pain, to be used, to be surrenderd and to serve. It’s a desire that you have, need and want. I love pain, I love to be used very much. The last four and a half years I just didn’t want to confess. Now I know, that I need and want it. It is a part of our life, which will always attend you. Be always honest to yourself and don’t play hide and seek, because you think, that you are perverse. Don’t dream it, be it!