The First Steps into the Kinky World of Boy Nerd.
Once upon a time … everyone of us was a newbie in the fetish world. In our new series “My First Steps” we want to show that this second outing seemed a big and hard step which in the retrospect was less hard as we thought mostly. We want to encourage newbies to live their kinks and to see the satisfaction it brings instead of the problems.
sadOsam: Hi boy Nerd. Before we talk about your first steps into the fetish world we want to know a little bit more about you: Can you introduce yourself and tell us what you’re into?
Boy Nerd: Hello everyone! My name is boy Nerd and I’m a 22 year old submissive currently residing in Portland Oregon. I run a blog known as thenerdysubmissive.tumblr.com, and I’ve been involved with the Community for a little while now. As of late I’ve been into restraints, leather, D/s dynamics, ropes, toys, group sex, public sex, anal and oral play and serving as a houseboy. This isn’t by any means an extensive list though, chances are I’m forgetting something, but hey, it’s a start, right?
sadOsam: When have you felt that you’re into kinky stuff and how have you felt as you have realized, that you’re sexuality is a little different from the standard?
Boy Nerd: I remember I was intrigued by kidnapping scenarios in the animated supe hero cartoons, and how I wanted to be in those situations so badly as a kid. Just the idea of being restrained with ropes and at the mercy of my captor aroused me without my even knowing what being aroused meant. Plus having your favorite superhero coming to save you isn’t such a bad idea either! It wasn’t until I discovered porn that I actually learned about BDSM and Kink, and even though I’ve always been intrigued by it, I started to put two and two together and figured that maybe I’d give it a shot. As for how I’ve felt, at first I was extremely secretive and a little ashamed of this part of me. Once I began delving into the Community and saw just how many people were interested in it and the various positions they held in society, I gradually became more and more proud of this part of myself.
sadOsam: How have you explored your kinky desires and when have you started to contact other people to live it? How have you encouraged yourself to start to live it with others? Do you remember how it went back then? Was that a big step for you and have you had any problems with it?
Boy Nerd: Whoooooaaaa that ‘s a lot of questions at once! I’ll do my best to answer them all though! I started exploring my kinky desires by asking the vanilla boyfriends I had at the time if we could do something different while having sex. It started with dildos and anal toys, than restraints were added, which than evolved to adding blindfolds and eventually we began using gags. Or rather he’d use gags on me. It wasn’t till I was 20 that I actually reached out to someone who was involved with BDSM and Kink, who turned out to be my first Alpha. It was actually an extremely big step, expect ally considering how I’ve had practically zero experience with BDSM or Kink as a lifestyle aside from the sex. In all honesty, it was a blissful start! But it became complicated and rocky as things began becoming more and more polyamorous between my first Alpha and I. Since then there have been more struggles, especially in regards to my more monogamous views and trying to find compromise or even someone who shares the same views as I. But despite all the struggles and pain that follow, I keep picking myself up and try again, for I know that there are those who share the same views as me. Encouraging oneself is hard, especially when you’ve an physically, mentally and emotionally painful past with this, but my friends in the know have been extremely supportive, and just the thought of me finding the right Dom for me keeps me going.
sadOsam: Often there are differences between kinky phantasies and the real lived kinks. Have you had such kind of sensations? Are the real lived kinks better, worse or just different? Can you explain it to us?
Boy Nerd: Heh I don’t know if I’ll explain it effectively, but I’ll certainly try! There is certainly a difference between fantasy and reality. It’s one thing to read about jerk off to it online, but it’s a completely difference in reality. In stories, blog posts, and books, it’s easy for one to get lost in the eroticism and fantasy, but in reality there are so many factors that go into play. Factors like one’s desires and interests, how comfortable a person is with a kink, general feasibility of a task or kink, and the emotions that come with performing some of these kinks. I guess the biggest difference is that in reality, you’re dealing with an actual human being when you’re exploring those kinks you dream of. And in all honesty, that’s why reality is infinitely better.
sadOsam: Can you tell us about positive experiences with your “second” coming out?
Boy Nerd: Oh there’ve been plenty! I guess the biggest and most prevalent one has been the acceptance and support I’ve received from being involved in BDSM and Kink, and that has been one of the things that continues to motivate me as I continue on my journey. Some of the warmest and most accepting people I’ve ever as the pleasure of meeting have been involved with BDSM and Kink in some way, and even though some meme we seem intimidating and absolutely terrifying, they’re human just like you and I. But if you want to know about one particular instance, it was when first experienced Aftercare. It was during a time when I was still learning and doing my best to absorb everything I could about BDSM AND Kink, but for some reason I never looked into. After my first BDSM session I kinda just expected the Alpha I was with to just untie me and leave me to my own devices while he went and relaxed. But instead he cuddled with me, soothed me, and asked for my thoughts and opinions on how it went. That moment showed me the tenderness and emotion that underlies sessions, and if anything made me even more committed to exploring this part of myself.
sadOsam: Have you had any negative experiences? How has it come and can you give advices to other newbies to prevent them?
Boy Nerd: With the good comes the bad, and there have been plenty of negative experiences in my in my journey into BDSM and Kink. I guess the biggest and foremost negative experience has been with the first Alpha I was collared to. I could go on and on about that experience, but in all honesty I’d rather not go into too much detail with it. But I will say that it stemmed from polyamory, and that I was emotionally and mentally hurt from that experience. Even though I was immensely hurt from it, I did learn from this experience and so many others. The primary piece of advice I’d offer to submissive newbies is to use your voice and let your opinions and thoughts be heard by your respective Dom. Likewise, I suggest that Dominant newbies be open, mindful, and responsive to what your submissive has to say. Communication is absolutely key to relationships, more so with D/s relationships than vanilla, and one is bound to run into problems, conflicts and hurt feelings if not exercised effectively.
sadOsam: How has your life changed since your living your kinks? How do you live your fetish life nowadays?
Boy Nerd: Honestly my life has changed for the better! I’ve become happier with myself, and I now walk with more pride and confidence than before. As I’ve said before I’ve had so many wonderful experiences and interacted with some of the best people I know because of my connection with BDSM and Kink. It’s also opened my eyes to a whole other way of living life, one where submission is seen as strength. Currently I’ve had to step back from the local BDSM and Kink scene in my area. It was a with a lot of reluctance and hesitancy, but juggling that with a job, maintaining a healthy mind and body would’ve been far too much. Plus I’m currently living with my parents, and I’m sure most understand that living/dealing with family often involves a certain degree of discretion and secrecy.
sadOsam: Do you have other advices for kinky newbies?
Boy Nerd: Hmm… The biggest piece of advice I can offer currently is to go with your gut feeling, especially if you are either a newbie, submissive, or both. There’s a reason why instincts exist, and if something doesn’t feel right, or that you need to convince yourself to do something than you should just walk away. If they’re a true Dom, than they would understand and be supportive in your decision. Another thing for submissives would be to learn that one’s submission may be demanded, but it is earned and given willingly. No matter the relationship dynamic, consent matters and it is absolutely and simply not ok if someone does something without your consent. A quick and final word of advice to both Dominants and submissives; Domination and submission takes many forms, and one should look beyond the typical portrayals of Domination and submission to show one’s dedication and affection. I’ve found that it’s these creative expressions of Dominance and submission that are truly valued, and are often the greatest expression of the devotion and love you have for your Dom or sub.
sadOsam: Thank you. It was great to talk to you and to participate at your experiences.
Boy Nerd: Well thank you for giving me the chance to share my experiences! Very rarely do I get to talk about this, let alone in so much detail, so I greatly appreciate it. And to all of the readers, please feel free to contact me at any time at thenerdysubmissive.tumblr.com with any questions, comments or anything! My ask box is always open, and I’m always willing to chat!
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