There’s one subject that I get asked about a lot on my Tumblr that I wanted to talk about: headspace. Some of what I’m covering is actually from a post I wrote for my Tumblr a couple of years ago–especially headspace maintenance since I don’t have any new revelations on that topic–but I’ve learned some new things about headspace since Daddy and I moved to California and started attending kink events and puppy moshes.
I’ll mention here that I’m describing my own personal experiences, observations, and opinions about the topic and what works for me may not work for you, but this could give you a direction to follow. That’s the thing about kinky topics, there’s a lot of different ways to approach kink and everyone has their own way of doing things. As long as no one is being hurt, no one is being abused, and everyone engaging in kink activities is consenting and are clear on limits, then there’s not a lot of “right” or “wrong” way to approach it. It’s a very personal thing to a lot of people and as long as everyone’s on the same page about not using kink to justify abuse, then we can have a lot of fun exploring new ways to approach kink.
Headspace can have a variety of flavors and styles. My primary versions are puppy and sub–though obviously Daddy and I have moved into the realm of Daddy/boy in recent years, so we’re exploring that headspace too. For sub headspace, I can slip easily into it when I haven’t cum in a while. After a few weeks, I get more submissive, more likely to ask Daddy to fuck me–something I’m working on in general, regardless of my submissive feelings–and I’m more likely to share some of the fantasies or porn that I would be a bit embarrassed to share regularly. During longer denials, I can get a bit non-sexual for periods of time, but I’m still able to slip into sub headspace with little effort.
While more popular than it used to be–if Tumblr is any indication–long term chastity is probably not for everyone and you may want to opt for an active way to trigger headspace, like finding a physical indicator of headspace. For example, designate a particular piece of gear or clothing–favorite collar, jockstrap, wrist restraints, etc.–that will act as a reminder of the headspace you’re putting yourself in. When you put that item on–or your Dom/partner/handler/daddy puts it on you–you’ll have something to help you focus on headspace. With time and practice, you’ll start to recognize the feelings of headspace while wearing that piece of gear and may find that you can trigger those feelings without the focus.
The trigger can be verbal as well. This can be a name, a title, changing pronouns, or just a phrase to indicate that you’re going to start focusing on headspace. Whatever the trigger, it’s good to stay consistent. You don’t want to use the trigger on a regular day that you’re not looking for headspace otherwise it can lose its significance.
Puppy headspace is a little different for me. While I’m submissive to Daddy all the time, I’m not in sub headspace all the time. I’m submissive in our interactions, but it doesn’t come with the same feelings–not something that gets me leaking, just the relationship dynamic. Puppy headspace is always on for me in our day to day lives just at different depths–which is not to say you can’t always be “on” with sub headspace, but it’s not the same for me.
My puppy side is something that’s been important to me for 11 years now and I’ve grown attached to the more carefree and relaxed side of me. I’ve adopted certain aspects of puppy headspace into my personality as time has passed. I–quietly–growl at people I don’t like or a situation that is bothering me. I eat out of my ridiculously heavy dog bowl (though with a fork since my face can’t fit). I’ve grown more comfortable barking when I’m happy and I’ve caught myself wagging more lately too. While at work a few months ago, I got down on all fours to stack something on a low shelf and I damn near started romping around right there. I didn’t because, you know, work, but I was excited that headspace showed up so strongly and wished I’d been able to act on it. I’ve encountered other pups online and in person who have a similar approach to puppy headspace and have accidentally barked at something while working or display other puppy traits where they hadn’t expected it to show.
Since puppy play isn’t always a person’s end-all-be-all of kinky interests, always-on headspace isn’t appealing or possible to many. In that case, a trigger like I talked about above would be a great way to encourage headspace when you do want it “on.”
That being said, I’ve been gaining some new experiences in the department of full puppy headspace since our move to California last December.
By the time we moved here, I hadn’t been able to find headspace for about a year. I was even having trouble with the day-to-day headspace. Unemployment and depression are pretty strong distractions from headspace, turns out. When we arrived, we started meeting pups and handlers around the Bay Area and soon found ourselves at our first mosh hosted by some new friends in San Jose.
I was excited, terrified, and anxious leading up to the mosh and that had an impact on me before even getting there. I really had fun on the social side of things, had fun talking to pups and handlers, and cuddled and goofed off a bit. I never found headspace. I got kind of close and even got locked in a cage with another pup, but I was very aware that I wasn’t feeling it in terms of headspace. Obviously you can still enjoy yourself without headspace, but I wanted to lose myself in it. Instead, I worried about not finding headspace, which led me to worry that I wasn’t enjoying myself as much as I could be. You can see the negative feedback loop growing by this point I’m sure.
Then the SF Eagle mosh started.
Leading up to the mosh, I talked to a number of other pups who experienced the same issues I was and had overcome their own reservations about moshing and achieving headspace. I was stressed again leading up to it and was afraid of screwing up somehow and ruining it. Hid behind Daddy for the minutes leading up to getting in gear and hitting the mats.
That was the best experience I had as a puppy up to that point. I only remember bits and pieces of the mosh–and most of that is from pictures and video that Daddy took–because I slipped into headspace and stuck with it almost the entire mosh. When I got the hood on and got onto all fours on the mats, my puppy side took over and all the reservations, self-consciousness, and stress just vanished. I barked. I wrestled. I rode other puppies around the mat. It was amazing.
Since that first mosh, I’ve been able to slip into headspace easily on a regular basis–with a few exceptions that weren’t related to my ability to pup out, but some social anxiety and depression creeping back up on me. We went to the Up Your Alley street event in San Francisco last month and, while the mats were molten lava from the sunlight, I was able to jump in and out as needed. Went up, got pets from bystanders, met new pups and handlers, and had good time.
I’ve started to let the puppy side take over again and seeing what it’ll do next. I’ve found I can tweak aspects of it–more convincing barking and howling, staying off my feet, not using my fingers even though my mitts have fingers–but if I let it explore, I’ll find new things to make me wag. I’ve gained an affinity for smells that I had never expected and my puppy side is completely responsible for that.
What it comes down to though is, what works for you? Are you only looking for specific instances of headspace like a mosh? Then looking for your trigger and pushing aside stray thoughts as best you can are probably a good methods. Are you trying to keep a little bit of headspace at the surface all the time? Try incorporating aspects of headspace into daily routine like barking or eating out of your pup bowl for puppy headspace or taking a position at your Dom’s feet and taking a submissive role around the house for submissive headspace.
Part 2 will focus on maintaining and general headspace improvement. It’s going to be shorter, but I wanted the first part to sink in a bit before adding the last segment.