14 days ago Jessie Forest told us about the two years of abuse he had to suffer between 14 and 16 (Click here to read the article). It was a Master he met after being 16 and BDSM who helped him to process the trauma he has had. Probably some of us think that what happened to Jessie was extraordinary. I decided to write about this topic on sadOsam because I’ve had contact with many young boys into kinks who have been abused in their youth. Normally they don’t like to talk about their past, which is understandable. But I think it shouldn’t be a taboo topic. To talk about such experiences can really help the boys and may also sensitize our audience to have their eyes open and to intervene if they see such unjustness happen. What the guys have done with those boys is not bdsm, it is a sick abuse of boys by pedos! I am really happy that with Alex another young boy with bad experiences has contacted me to talk openly about what happened to him in his youth.

Alex

1998 | 190 cm | 66 kg
Conover (U.S.)

With 15 I Realized That I Enjoyed Being At Someone Else’s Mercy For The First Time

How long have you already been living out your kinky side and how did you came to that?

It has been 6 years since i started really getting into my kinky side. *warning proceed at your own risk* I was 15, hung by my wrists from a car lift, blindfolded. My feet were cuffed to a metal bar that kept my legs spread wide. I had one guy stroking me, while another was behind me rimming me. It wasn’t my first kinky experience, but I remember it as the first time I realized that I enjoyed being at someone else’s mercy. They jerked and rimmed, sometimes switching off to other guys ’til I finally came.

How does it come that a 15 y.o. gets into such a situation in which he gets used as sex toy?

Small town boy, sheltered all his life, new school in a big city, didn’t realize he was getting in with the wrong kind when a senior starts being friendly. I was glad to have a friend, he asked if I wanted to hang out one night after school. I said yeah, snuck out after my parents went to bed. He took me for a ride, drove around for awhile, said lets go to a party. I said ok. He drove me to this guy’s house and walked me inside, and then went back to the car cause he “forgot his phone” and left. He traded me for a drug debt. The guy was a pedo, I was 14.

I’d told my “friend” a lot of stuff, like which middle school my little brother went to, where my mom worked, just in normal conversation. They used that to control me.

They said if i disobeyed or cost them money, they’d kill my family. I was terrified

What do you mean if you say that they used that information to control you?

At first they said they’d kill me if I tried to tell anyone or disobeyed them. After about 6 months they broke my resolve, I stopped caring if the killed me or not, then they started threatening my family, my mom, and my little brother. They said if I disobeyed or cost them money, they’d kill my family. I was terrified. And I told myself it was my fault, that I was to blame for my family being in danger, that everything that was happening was because of me.

Why did you believe your “friends” that they would do that with you or your family?

Because I was 14, my parents “protected” me from all the bad things in the world. So when it came to this, I was completely unprepared. I was afraid of them because I knew at least one of them was a local sheriff. And if there was a cop threatening to kill me with a gun to my head, I believed him.

As kids we believe a lot. You’ve told us that with 15 you’ve had the first bdsm experience you’ve really enjoyed. Can you tell us why this experience, in which you have been helpless and delivered again, was a good one, compared with the other experiences you’ve had before?

They tried to break me. They wanted me to believe that I was worth nothing more than what they told me I was worth. Eventually I believed them. I believed that I was no more than a hole for fucking, a toy built for amusement. I had to convince myself that this was my life now. That particular night was the first time someone told me otherwise. The men who dominated me that night used me, but they didn’t abuse me. They showed me how to enjoy it.

I enjoyed it because they talked to me and made conversation

Can you tell us a little more about how he has shown you to enjoy it? What was different?

I knew it was an auto repair shop cause I could smell the new tires, the oil, the gasoline. They had driven me there blindfolded and led me inside. They didn’t take off the blinfold ’til after the door was closed. They told me exactly what they were going to do to me before they even started taking my clothes off, and then they asked if that was alright. Nobody had ever asked my opinion before. They stripped me, but left my socks and shoes to protect my feet from the floor. They cuffed my forearms together with long leather cuffs, he explained these took the pressure off my wrists. Long story short, they treated me like an actual person, and gave me reasons to enjoy it, like edging. He told me why people do edging and taught me the signs to watch for to know when to stop. And after they had all cum and they let me down to the floor, they threw a blanket over a low workbench and put me on it on all 4, then started taking turns fingering, massaging my prostate and explaining that. And then one guy did ask me if they could fuck me and i said yeah so they fucked me til i came. They let me take a shower, helped me get dressed and had me blindfolded and ready to go when the car came to get me.

I enjoyed it because they talked to me and made conversation. Being treated like an object is nice when you know it’s just roleplay, but everyone wants to be treated like a person at some point.

So first of all the communication was the difference. What else is important to you, if you live your slave role nowadays?

This isn’t kinky, but the most important thing for me is respect. As a boy who has been in way too many situations where the person who claimed me as their boy didn’t respect me as another person, I understand how quickly things can turn sour for the bottom. You can roleplay master/slave all you want, but always remember that no matter what, that is still another person.

I think part of me still thinks I deserve to be treated that way … I became a man pleaser

You started your kinky life with of a longterm abuse. Why do you think that you continue with bdsm, but with the big difference that you give consent to abusive situations nowadays?

Honestly, I think part of me still thinks I deserve to be treated that way. I became a man pleaser because when I made guys happy and did what they said, they would tell my “masters” good things, give them more money, and my “masters” would reward me. So that flowed over into the rest of my life, now im just a submissive kind of person. I always do as im told, I never have an opinion I just let life do with me what it wants.

Do you like to be a men pleaser or would you prefer if you didn’t have this desire?

It can make life hard sometimes. I have dreams, of how I wanted my life to go, but I can never get past the stage of always being someone’s toy. If I could just stop being like this I would, but I can’t.

But do you see also good sides in the way you are now?

I do!

I was asking because I would never use a boy who don’t really enjoy to be a slave. Consent and a win win situation is for me as Master very important. What do you get back as slave? What is the satisfaction you get by serving men?

Their satisfaction, the pride in knowing I was a good boy that made my “master” happy, and he enjoyed having me. As long as my dominant is satisfied I’m satisfied.

Do you have special sexual and fetish preferences?

I mostly enjoy BDSM related experiences such as Bondage, CBT, E-Stim, and many other things like that. I prefer to play slave, puppy play is fun too when done right. Exhibitionism is another thing I’m into that plays a big part in a lot of my experiences.

How has pup play to be so that it is done right?

Having been in a lot of bad situations, I’ve had guys actually treat me like im their pet, and they clearly didn’t love their pets, I’ve been chained to a post outside, nude, with my hands in pup paws, in the middle of January. I’ve been forced to eat actual dog food, for weeks at a time and only dog food. When it’s play, its fun, its when the dom starts looking at their boy as an animal, that it’s being done wrong.

What kind of guys do you like?

As a bottom I don’t really have a preference. Young, old, fat, skinny, doesn’t really matter to me. As a top im really partial to twinks, skinny, young guys. Height doesn’t really matter, it would be weird topping someone taller than me, but i guess it doesn’t matter when he’s on his back right?

As i got more into the more sexual side of myself i started to do more things that i knew my parents would hate

What was your hottest experience until now?

My hottest experience was probably my first time at a pride parade. It was Charlotte pride, 2014. My Master had told me to meet at his house the day before so he could prepare me. I didn’t know what he meant but I did as he said, first he fitted me with a black and red pup mask, a black full torso halter strap harness, a red jockstrap that matched the pup mask, long red and white adidas socks, and black adidas high tops. With a very large black tail plug, then he spent 2 hours edging me, and locked me into a tiny black chastity cage.

When he took me to the pride event the next day it was the most awkward thing I’d ever done. But eventually I realized nobody was going to know who I was and once I did, it was so much fun hanging out with my Master, letting him pull me around, wandering off once or twice because I’m a rebel and he dropped the leash to pay for something. Being naked and exposed in front of all those people was the hottest feeling ever.

Are there things/dreams you want to experience once?

I’ve already experienced all the things i wanted to try as far as BDSM goes, but there are a few things the exhibitionist in me would like to try. Of course all of these things will be done nude, Cliff jumping, snowboarding, being caught out in public without something covering my face… I’m really gonna have to build up my courage for the last one.

What is the special attraction of being exposed and exhibitionism for you in general? Can you tell us a little more about the feelings you have in such situations?

It’s the risk of being caught. I’m a preacher’s kid, so when I was younger my parents were very strict. Don’t do anything dangerous, act like a good boy, smile, speak when spoken to, be the model you’re supposed to be. As I got more into the more sexual side of myself I started to do more things that I knew my parents would hate, being outside, nude, exposed, vulnerable. The idea of doing something completely on my own, the risk of maybe being seen, nevermind the fact that my mother would be livid if she knew.

At first I was constantly looking over my shoulder to see if someone was coming, praying i wouldn’t actually be seen. Now, who cares, what are they gonna do? Yell? Besides being naked in front of complete strangers is always so hot, like when i meet up with a new guy.

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