A diary written by MasterMarc and Slave Stephan (09.05).
10 years ago a 19yo boy, who has had the desiere to become a permanent slave, has visited me for a test. I was really sceptical but I’ve invited him. It was an intense week and of course if i read it again now, I have also see how I have changed and developed myself. In some points I would say, that I would never do that again in the way I’ve done it many years ago and other points show me, that my philosophy about SM hasn’t changed a lot. It is also nice to see that 10 years ago to live SM was also possible with less professional equipment and no own dungeon. SM is not about toys and playrooms, it is about the guys who are living the lifestyle.
I’ve posted this article many years ago but some days ago I’ve found old pictures of this test and that is the reason, why I am posting it again. The interesting thing is, that you can read the diary I have written as master and also the diary the slave has written at the same time. I hope you like what you read.
On the 5th of April, slave Stephan arrived in Zürich. On the schedule was a test to inspect his qualification as permanent slave. To be honest, the time of testing is for sure also a phase of testing my person, from his side. The diary of this test, which was finished already a few weeks ago, shows you the sensations and the thougts of the master. Also the slave depicts his train of thoughts and his adventures from this week (not avaiable at the moment). Some pictures are showing you snapshots of certain days.
Master: Still ten days
It’s still about a week until Stephan will join the ranks at my home. It is not my first time testing a permanent slave; nevertheless many different toughts keep running through my head. In these ten days, we had intense phone calls and long chats. The nervousness before such an open-end-test, even if it’s not my first time testing a permanent-slave for a longer time, is haunting me too. Yes, I really want to live with a permanent slave, who as such is bounded by me at my place. Nevertheless, the thougt that I’m only 30 years old is constantly scaring me. What are the changes of progression thereafter? How can I integrate the pig into my life, which also contains a large “not-sm-part?” Can I really accept the responsibility for that piece of mud, totally? A lot questions, and to be honest, I trust in my own power to do it. However, I’m very glad about my doubts, because they show me, that I don’t engage to my slave Stephan in an inconsiderate way, or just by instinct. This self-critical attitude is not a signal of lower self-consciousness but a sign of seriousness, and shows, that I’m conscious of the significance of my action.
What attracts me to slave, Stephan? Stephan is 19 years old and comes from the north of Germany. For a 19-years-old slave he is already very experienced. According to him, he already lived with a master for half a year. But for his taste, that master was not consistent enough. In between he has been testing a few other masters. These experiences show me, that Stephan is conscious of the significance of his decision. Often I tried to force self-doubts on his decision, with critical questions, which were showing the boaring and troublesome sides of a slave’s existance. But everytime I got very self-confident answers, which showed me, that the pig is realizing, what this decision means to him. That’s something that attracts me very much about Stephan. He knows what he wants and he doesn’t decide from a point of no way out, or of weakness for his slave-existance. It is a decision out of strenght, out of his own conciousness by his need. Many conversations about our both dreams, in which we themed living together, ownership, attitude to SM, personal point of view concerning long-time-slavery, also showed me, that we have similar imaginations. And that our needs are extensive complementing one another. Ok, I admit, everything about us is theory so far, but soon we will see, if it’s really so. In any event, I’m very curious and I’m looking forward to the 5th of April.
What is important to us? For both of us this experience is based on trust and honesty, the consequence is very important. It shall become a really consequential enslavery. We are both aware of what will be a process of set-up, but clear rules should be maintained from the beginning. Stephan will not be a visitor, with whom you first get acquainted on human level and then change into slave-master-level. He is a slave from the beginning, without rights und own authority of determination, and he wants to feel that from the beginning. I’m not a master who unwinds his standard-schedule, has a master-board before the beginning of a session. I decide instinctively, because I also want to submit to the slave. Every slave is different. But I’m already worrying, how exactly I want to keep my slave and which rules should maintain from the beginning already – how the first hours and days will be like. It simplifies my mission enormously, that Stephan has a similar attitude and that he is looking to be locked up when he is not needed.
Master: My last “free weekend”
The last week went by very quickly. On one hand I was busy with work an on the other hand I tried to come to understanding with the 24/7-situation. I read a lot again and talked to friends who have been living on 24/7 basis. I have friends, I know personally, who live in the situation as master already, and others who are slaves. In my opinion especially, the conversation with my slave friends is very important. The part and the point of view of the master I know by own experience. That’s in my character, my body, my brain, that’s what I understand.. The part of the slave will always be strange to me, because I do not know the need of surrender from own experience. I will never understand a slave. But I have to do my best, to carry out his needs again and again, so that I can submit to them.
Those who have already read the texts on my homepage know that I also see a serving part in the function of the master. He doesn’t serve the situation, but through his acting, he renders possible to life that kind of relationship, for both. The concrete tasks of the weekday between master and slave are indeed distributed very unequal to the favour of the master, for the responsibility which the master takes over his tasks, weights much heavier. While the slave may even give up responsibility for himself far reaching, the master takes over responsibility in such a relationship not only for himself and his action, but also for his property and the relation to him.
To be a master has its beautiful sides. You may enjoy life to the full, get your needs fulfilled and you can be spoilt totally by your slave. Many little tasks of the weekday are falling away. But anyone who thinks, that to be a master means that you are only interested in your own well-being, without regard to that of the slave, is wrong. Remember, the slave is free in his decision to serve. He will only serve someone on long term basis, if he receives, apart from the roughness, depravity, humilitation and punishment also safety, securety and warmth; which helps to build up trust.
I’m still alone as Stefan has not yet arrived. For that I’ll spend my weekend calm and enjoy the time at home all by myself. One of my slaves asked today via sms if he may serve me this weekend. That’s difficult to decide at the moment, because a bit of silence would be good for me, before the exciting days to come. I will let my level of passion decide later. Silence is also important for me. Nevertheless, I’m longing for the time, when a slave is with me for a longer period. I’m looking forward to next Tuesday and the time which follows. Just yesterday I got a mail from Thorstens master Sven, who was allowed to make a intenser and more comprehensive 24/7-time for the first time. During this time he got conscious of the affect and intenseness of this kind of living together. To be honest, I’ve to say, that I’m very proud of both of them. I am especially very glad about the immense development Sven has shown. To take over that responsibilaty at his age, is an intense sign of maturity. A phone-call from Torsten showed me the intenseness of the arrangement, which they experienced last week. Beside little troubles and also improvements, which I discussed with Torsten, (I’m a confidant to him and his master, with whom the slave is allowed to communicate without control), I’ve also talked with him about Stephan. These two hogs are of the same age..
On Sunday Stephan called me. His tension and anticipated joy was clearly detectable. We talked over the last details of his fligth. His mother, who was standing beside Stephan during the phone call, asked me to make sure, that she gets at least a postcard from Stephan. I was astonished and asked in a later phone call, how much she knows. I like that openness, because I don’t have anything to hide. She knew that he was coming to me in Switzerland. But she doesn’t know much more. Everything else would have me extremely surprised. I informed Stephan, that I don’t want to see any single body-hair on him on Tuesday. If the hog wanted to remain with me, he must be punished for a mistake he made last week. He needn’t remind me of this chastisement, because I’m already looking forward to give him the first deserved thrashing, to see how that little piece of mud can handle pain. I think for the first chastisement the belt will be the right instrument.
During the weekend I informed some dear friends, that I have a definitely slave who is visiting me from Tuesday for an unspecified time. These are the friends who will probably, after some time, be the first to witness Stephan being a slave in front of others. To exhibit the hog is for me an important instrument of enslavery. The demonstration is enforcing the consciousness of the existence as hog, because it brings the humiliation from a scope of intimacy to a public scope (my friends are strangers to him). Then he must, in front of others stand by his life as a slave thereby becoming extremely conscious of being a slave.
Slave: Arrival at the Master
It was 8:00 a. m., the alarm-clock was ringing. I got up and went to the bath-room and got ready for my departure. As I had to catch the train at 1:00 p. m., there was enough time for me to gather myself, because today was the great day. So I spent the next two hours in the tub and was thinking about what will await me. It was a funny feeling, because I still couldn’t believe, that today was the day finally I was going to Zürich. At 12:00 midday I was ready and left to catch my tram. In the tram I was reflecting a bit, how it will be, and if my imaginations will prove right. A lot has been turning over in my mind. How will the master look like in real? Is he really like I imagine him to be? Arriving at the railway-station I still had 25 minutes until the departure of my train. The train was already at the platform, so that I could enter it. During the next two and a half hours in the train, again thoughts were running through my had, concernig what will await me. Is 24/7-slavery really what I’m looking for? Can I stand the toils. How will it be to serve a master around the clock? Arriving in Hamburg finally, I was looking for the shuttle-bus to the airport. The transfer to the airport lasted 30 minutes and my heart was beating wildly. Suddenly I could see the airport. It was really huge, and my nervosity increased immeasurable. At terminal number one, I quickly found the check-in of “AirBerlin”. After checking-in, I still had to wait one hour for the take-off. My hands were sweaty and again my thoughts were running about things that will come. At 6:50 p. m. I went on board, took place on a seat at the window, fastened the seatbelt and just looked out of the window. The plane started to move. Again, my heart started to beat stronger until we reached a height of about 33.000 feet. It was a magnificent feeling to be above the clouds and I really enjoyed to let my thoughts stray away.
The one and a half hours were passing by so quickly. After landing in Zürich, I called my master, so that he could explain me, how to get from my terminal to our meeting-point. I had to take a small metro to get out of the terminal number E. Now I just had to pass the customs and then I would see my master. As I arrived in the lounge, the master quickly found me and was already coming my way. He welcomed me and we started a very normal conversation. He told me, that we will first of all go to a restaurant for talking and having a drink. In the inn we were again talking about my experiences, imaginations and taboos. After that we went to his appartment.
Now it was time to start! After arriving in the appartment, I took off my clothes and put all my personal stuff in a box, prepared by my master. I kneeled down on the floor, my legs wide apart, my forehead was touching the floor and I was waiting for what will happen. My master left the room and came back after a few minutes, he put me on hand-cuffs, took place on my back, caressed me and asked again if I really want to serve. I affirmed. After that he left again. After about ten minutes he came back and started to cut my heir off the head with a maschine. As he was ready, he put a black silk-sack over my head, and let me wait, not without asuring me, that I’ll get my first slashes, for a mistake I made last Friday, very soon. As he came back to pick me up, I felt really precarious. I had to follow him blindfolded, with his hand in my neck and very soon I found myself again with fixed hands and head in the pillory. I got my first really hard slashes and as he released me after a while, I started to thank him for the slashes by kissing his feet. After that he took place on the couch, and I was allowed to spoil him by licking him and giving him blowjobs. After midnight we went to bed and as it was my first night, I was allowed to sleep in the bed with my master.
Master: The slave is here
Yesterday, it was Tuesday. I was rather tired. It’s the day of the week when I’ve to start working at 7:30 a. m., and believe me I am and will never be an early riser. I especially felt tired as I spent nearly the whole night reading as I wanted to finish the sm-krimi “Master in his Business” by Larry Townsend. At 8:30 p.m. I was at the airport and waiting for the arrival of the plane from Hamburg. The slave was very nervous, what became apparent when he, completely beside himself, called me from the Midlife Dock, as he couldn’t imagine, that he had to take that small “Metro” to get to the arrival-lounge of the airport. There he was standing, facing me and I started with friendly conversation. On the way into the city we were starting again to talk about his imaginations, expectations and taboos, but also about his experiences. As I know that I immediately wanted to start with the master-slave-relation when we entered the apartment, we went to a restaurant in my neighbourhood for some more relaxed conversation. This conversation was very important for me because I don’t really believe in chats or phone calls. I wanted to see someone, while he gives me such important information, his eyes as well as his gesture, because miming and actions tell much more, and I’ve to learn to read the slave’s actions, because when he is tied up and gagged, it is his most important instrument to communicate.
When entering my apartment the slave took off his clothes and put all his personal stuff in a prepared basket. Then he kneeled down on the floor, legs wide apart. I again gave him time to think about, if he really wanted to serve and if he was ready to give up all his rights, with exeption of the taboos he named. Repeatedly referring to many disadvantages of a slave’s life, I got the same answer over and over again: “Yes, I want to”.
With this security, I then started to shave the head of the slave. I was intentionally not shaving very carefully on the day resulting in the hog looking like a plucked hen. In my opinion it was important, that, besides the feeling of security, he also had to feel miserable, filthy and inferior from the beginning. And it was really possible, because I was planning to make sure, that the hog would not leave the apartment in the first days like one does with a cat which was moved to a new home to impress its environment on it by not being allowed to leave the apartment in the first days.
In my opinion it was also important that the hog regarded this time as a punishment. Many delays, at best in unpleasant positions had to give the slave the very intense feeling of powerlessness. After a while, the hog was tightly tied in the pillory. For a incident that happened ten days ago, the slave had earned his first punishment already and he was eagerly awaiting this punishment. 15 lashes with the belt on his naked ass, made him realise the first time that punishment would not be pleasurable. After a while, the hog was rinsed, because he had to realise that I did not drill in his shit. After an even longer time in the toilet he was allowed to produce evidence that he had qualities to spoil me – with his arms fixed on his back, while I continued watching TV. His basic knowledge in licking feet was acceptable, and in giving blow-jobs the hog was also not too bad.
And then it was time to spend our first night. As I saw this phase as a time of increasing our trust, the hog was allowed to sleep in my bed cuddling with me. For sure I used his closeness to get licked, massaged, or getting a blow-job, but also to fuck the thigt ass from time to time. To stay overnight in my bed would be a reward in future but this first night together was very succesful. I felt how the hog was feeling better, the longer he was staying with me.
Today, it’s Wednesday, I showed him my apartment and where to find what. After that he got the announced lashes with the whip. I promissed him 20, he asked for 30. Well, such wishes from I slave you fulfill with pleasure. Tight in the Spread-Eagle he was bravely counting along, even when one could clearly notice the intensity of my lashes by the sound of his gagged voice. After a time of relaxing the hog was plugged, the harness was tried on and his cock was locked up with a chastity-belt (cb 3000). As I had a few things to settle and wanted to write this entry too, he was fixed to a wall, kneeing with stretched arms on both sides and wide stretched chained legs. One could hear and see that he was struggling.
Slave: First services
We woke up around 2:00 p. m. He asked me, weahter the piece of mud is fine and if I slept well. I answered both questions with “well”. After that I licked, how he orderd me, his feet again. Later my master got up and I followed him to the kitchen, crawling on my knees. In the kitchen I was allowed to stand up and he showed me the way he likes his morning-coffee and where to find what in the kitchen. As he was ready, I had to knee down again and he put me on my collar. Furthermore he put me on leather-cuffs on my wrists and ankle joints, and sliped a leather-mask over my head. The look-out slits have been covered with a patch and a gag found the way into my mouth. He fixed me with spreaded arms and legs then and let me wait for a few time in this position. By being blindfolded I lost every feeling for time. Suddenly I felt my master again, as he was heavy torturing my nippels. After about 20 minutes I felt a lash lying over my shoulder. He left again, yet came back soon, caressed me a bit with the slash and orderd me to count along every single slash loud and clearly. He started and the first slash was still really ok. But with every further slash it began to pain me more and more. However I was counting along bravely. It was really lustful to feel the weals of the slash, a heavy pain, but very lustful. After every ten slashes he gave me a brake and caressed me a bit. As he finished the 30 slashes he took fotos of me. After that he released me, but chained me again on arms and legs, kneeing in a corner. This position was everything else then convenient. I was fighting against the chains. And I could hear, that my master was amusing himself and that he took fotos of me again from time to time.
After about an hour he released me again an we went to the bedroom. There he took the gag out of my mouth and also untied the eye-patch then. He asked me how that little piece of mud is feeling. I really was well and I licked his legs through the mask. Then he took off the mask and ordered me to lay down on my frontside. Short time later I felt his fingers in my hole to relax me. Suddenly he squeezed in with his cock and fucked me rough. I was rather cramped, because it was still unpleasent to me. After a while he made a break and I was allowed to cuddle with him. That gave me a very nice feeling. As he fucked me the second time, I already was really much more relaxed. After that he plugged me and put on me a harness. In addition, he put me on a chastity-belt and I was prisoned to the cage. In the cage, my collar was fixed with a chain and the cage have been locked up two times. I was lying in the cage like a dog and the master took again pictures of me. After that he left, because he had a few things to settle. In this 90 minutes lying in the cage I had time to think about many things. I’m pleased with the cage. It was a secure feeling. After 11:00 p. m. (I only could see the watch, when I was out of the cage) he released me again. I was crawling to him on my knees and startet to lick his feet. Afer I spoiled him for about an hour in front of the couch we went sleeping. I had to sleep beside the bed on the floor, chained like a dog. The plug and the chastisty-belt have been very uncomfortable and pained me a bit, so that I couldn’t fall into sleep for a while.