MasterMarc: Hi Puppyboy. To be interviewed isn’t really humiliating. As I know how much you’re into humiliation I’ve really to ask you, if you have any idea to make this interview more embarrassing?
Puppyboy: I’m not sure there is a way you can make an interview conducted via email particular humiliating. There are lots of factors which go towards humiliation, and presence is absolutely key, I think. I know lots of people are into online humiliation and online exposure, but that’s not really the sort of humiliation I like. I used to do online stuff, but it never really worked because I always felt able to back out – just to log off my computer, for example. Besides, physical interaction with the humiliator is very important to me. I think it’s because various things which I find humiliating require the presence of someone else. For example, I find piss play humiliating, but I only find it humiliating when the humiliator is using me as his urinal and is, essentially, forcing me to be in urinal. It’s just not the same if someone online orders you to piss in a glass and drink it.
MasterMarc: I understand you totally. Of course at the beginning of my fetish career I have also had online action. But as you say, that is never the same as real action. Of course I don’t judge people who are doing cyber because it could be a great door opener in a save environment but we invite all to do the next step into real life. Let us talk a little about your beginnings. What have been your first steps into the kinky world?
Puppyboy: You’re absolutely right – online is a great way to start for most people. In fact, that is exactly how I started. I think I’ve always known that I was kinky. I used always to fantasise about being tied up on a chair with elaborate rope work. I never actually acted on it, however. Before I started doing kink incredibly chaste: I had never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) throughout school or university. I had watched stuff online. Originally I was interested in femdom stuff, but, over time, I realised I was far more interested in the men subbing than the women domming. It wasn’t until the July of my 23rd year that I actually did anything. I had just had an awful year finishing a second degree and I wasn’t happy with the fact that I was always fantasising about stuff but doing anything. I therefore started looking for people with similar interests online and I came across Recon. I spent several evenings in a row on it and eventually decided to bite the bullet and created a profile. I had my first meet in August. I travelled into London, met this chap, a Dom, slightly younger than me, and we chatted a bit, and before I knew it I was worshipping his trainers in the Barbican Centre. Soon after that I was meeting people regularly. For about six months, I spend almost every weekend in London getting up to kinky stuff.
MasterMarc: Can you tell us, when you have started to feel your desire not only to be used but also to be humiliated?
Puppyboy: That is so long ago that I can’t answer it with any certainty. The femdom stuff I used to watch always had a guy being humiliated at the centre of it: forced to strip, tied up, ordered to worship… I must have been a teenager when I started watching it, but the original fantasies predate it. I then moved onto watching men domming subs while I was at university. Again, I wasn’t interested in watching any pornography that just had sex in it; there had to be BDSM. And, even then, not just any BDSM: it really had to have humiliation in it. That said, I still do like some femdom stuff – cuckolding videos are great, especially because the sub usually had to submit to another guy as well.
MasterMarc: Can you tell us about the thrill of being humiliated? What kind of sensation are you looking for so that the being humiliated becomes desirable?
Puppyboy: I think the answer lies in my non-kink life. During the day, at work, I have quite a responsible job which requires me to make decisions constantly and to be quite robust and forthright and assertive. Similarly, when I was at school and at university, I have always wanted to be in control, and I’ve been very careful to cultivate a particular image of myself which is presented to other. Kink in general and humiliation in particular is a way to invert this. As a sub/pup/boy, I find it incredibly liberating to have responsibilities taken away, and to be required to abandon control to the Dom. As for humiliation, it challenges the perception I have of myself and the image I present to the world during the day. For example, one of the kinks I enjoy is pup play. I love pup play in itself, but I also love it as an extension of humiliation play. When you’re with a strict handler and you’re required to be on your knees all the time, to eat from a bowl, only allowed to bark, plugged with a tail, to wear mitts, with any failure punished, that removal from my everyday experience, and consciousness of its being so, is exhilarating.
MasterMarc: At the moment you’re the little bastard on his knees, the fag you are, how do you want that other people to see you? Can you tell us as what do you see yourself, as what do you feel and as what others should see you?
Puppyboy: When I’m in a session with a Dom – a fag on my knees as you so eloquently phrase it, Sir – my conception of myself becomes more two dimensional, I suppose. During the course of ordinary day, there can be lots of things swirling around in your head and your focus can be pulled in lots of different directions; in a session, all that goes away: my only interest and focus is upon the Dom and following his orders. This means that I’m deprived, in effect, of the basic rights a human being has: the power to choose when to speak and what to say; to go and do as you would otherwise please. If a Dom orders me to be his urinal, I open my mouth; if he orders me to be his ashtray, I stick out my tongue; if he wants me to be his footstool, I get on all fours. I’m little more than an object in such circumstances. When it’s combined with something like pup play, I’m just an animal. In all cases, I’m not the person I am during the day. In part, I know my day-self (as it were) would (or should) be appalled at allowing myself to be used in such a way, especially with filthier stuff, but that’s part of the thrill of it. As for how other people should see me, that’s up to them; but I would expect that at that time they no longer see me as the person I am otherwise, but just the object/animal I am at that moment (and, hopefully, they’ll use me accordingly!).
MasterMarc: If you feel safe with a master and you see him accidentally on the streets or in a bar do you want that he just see you as person or do you want that he knows that you’re a fag and object, even if he treats you in a normal way at this moment?
Puppyboy: As it happens I do regularly see and socialise with Doms I serve. I have a Master who also happens to be my boyfriend. While I am always his boy, we’re not always strictly Master/slave. Generally, I find that I have to consciously shift focus in my own mind from day-to-day to kink. When I bump into a Dom on the street and I’m dressed in a suit, for example, because I’ve just been to work, I certainly don’t feel like a fag/object. I suspect the Doms I meet socially don’t always see me like that either. On the other hand, I do quite like the idea that some Doms may always see me as I am when I’m serving them at their feet; as though that is the “real” me, as it were.
MasterMarc: That was the reason I’ve asked the question, to know what is your “real me”. 🙂 I think now we have also to talk about your experiences with humiliation. Can you tell us your three most humiliating experiences?
Puppyboy: Oh gosh it’s so difficult to choose. I don’t think these are necessarily the “most”, but they are notable:
(1) There’s a Dom I meet regularly who’s really into piss and pup play. When I see him I’m his dog and he drinks a lot, so I get a lot of piss when I’m there too. Anyway, he invited me along once to serve as the urinal for him and his friends while they were having a poker night. I was blindfolded and left in the corner, in a nappy to avoid leakages, and people and came over and used me during the night.
(2) I once did a humiliation workshop with a very experienced Dom at the Hoist. The weekend beforehand he invited me along to go clothes shopping with him. To put this in context, day-to-day, I have a very particular dress sense which does not include wearing or owning things like jeans or t-shirts or trainers. These are clothing items which I, therefore, find inherently humiliating to wear when ordered because I would not otherwise ever be seen wearing them. Anyway, the Dom took me to Primark, picked out some clothes like this, and got me to try them on. I managed to get hard go to and from the changing rooms doing it. We then bought some of them. Before the workshop, I then went to his flat and he got me to change into these clothes and he made me wear them on the tube across London, along with a “My Little Princess” backpack which he hadn’t told me he had also bought.
(3) One of my earliest experiences had me visiting a Dom in his flat. I went to his bedroom and I was stripped down and tied up. I was also blindfolded and gagged He then led me into the other room where there were three other kinksters, all subs. I was placed in the middle of the room – I’d never been in this room before or met the other kinksters – and I was prodded and poked and teased, as well as ignored for stretches, for a few hours (or what felt like a few hours). It feels a bit tame now, but it was a very early experience and really potent as a result.
MasterMarc: Let us talk a little about the experiences: What do you think is the fascination of piss?
Puppyboy: It’s because being covered in piss or drinking piss is such an inherently degrading experience. People don’t drink piss. If you do, you’re doing fundamentally alien to everyday experience. If you’re drinking piss you’re being turned into nothing more than a urinal. If you’re covered in piss, you’re being marked as the property of someone else. It’s symbolically very powerful. I like to think I’m pretty good as drinking piss since I rarely spill any – after all, urinals (when they’re functioning properly) never spill a drop!
MasterMarc: I agree. The feeling of humiliation is very particular and personal. To lick feet can be for one person very humiliating but at the same time for another it is just normal because he is used to. In my eyes a big exception are humiliations in public. I understand, even if such a dress could be for others normal, that you can feel the humiliation you have told me. Do you have other experiences with public humiliation?
Puppyboy: My experience with public humiliation is quite limited. Given my non-kink life, I don’t like doing any public humiliation in London. The exception is where there is humiliation, but it is not outwardly noticeable. So, for example, I have worn chastity and plugs out and about underneath my clothes, as well as nappies. I’ve done more stuff abroad, especially when I’m in Berlin. There I’ve been led around by a leash on my collar while wearing a rubber straitjacket and hood, for example. I regularly dress up as a pup out and about while I’m abroad. Otherwise, the most public humiliation gets is in kink clubs.
MasterMarc: The third experience you have told us was about sensory deprivation. It is something which is giving an extreme feeling of being exposed and helpless even if there is no action. Can you tell us about the importance of the sensory deprivation and the feeling of humiliation you get in such situations?
Puppyboy: Yes, the feeling of helplessness is integral. It means anyone around you can do whatever they like with you and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s perhaps the purest form of objectification. I’ve done other scenes where, for example, I’ve been used as a foot stall, an ashtray, a chair (essentially). There’s an almost complete loss of control.
MasterMarc: I am sure you still have some unfulfilled fantasies and desires. Can you give us some hot examples and tell us why you haven’t lived it yet?
Puppyboy: I certainly do have some unfulfilled fantasies. Some of them remain unfulfilled because there is no way I would ever actually go through with them. I love the idea of being truly moulded by a Dom any way he likes, like being forced to get tattoos and piercing, always forced to wear what he orders, getting the haircut he me to have. I would never actually go through with any of that too. I’ve read (and continue to re-read) plenty of stories where stuff like that happens though. More realisable would be a scene, for example, where I’m taken somewhere for a weekend and forced to live like an animal for some unspecified period of time – kept gagged so I can’t talk, mitted, kept in a cage, only taken out when needed for use… To be fair, I think a lot of people fantasise about something like that!
MasterMarc: Hehe. I wish you can make some fantasies come true in the future. It was a great pleasure to talk to you and I’m happy that you have told me, that you will write frequently about you, your experience and your thoughts on sadOsam. So all of us will get to know you even better in the future.