An interview with Boblesclave – an auto torturer.
MasterMarc: Hi Bob l’ésclave. Hope it is not too much pain in the ass to answer to our questions. Even if the interview isn’t painfull we will talk about pain and masochism. When and how have you discovered that pain is a sexual turn-on for you?
Boblesclave: My first memories of my masochistic and sadistic tendencies go back to my childhood.
I remember that when I was 8 or 9, I had dreams about a girl in my classroom in which she had been abducted by pirates, tied naked to the mast of their ship and whipped. I still remember vividly her white body with the red marks especially on her chest. It is one of my first and very strong sexual feelings.
At around the same age, I remember too that I had my first masochistic experiments : walking in the countryside (a walk on a mountain lane with bare rocks everywhere), pretending to climb the rocks, I let my body slide along the harsh surface and scratch my skin. I remember opening my shirt to have bloody scratches on my chest and pulling a little bit down my pants to have these marks on the skin of my ass.
Being sadistic to girls and masochistic with a fantasy of being abused by an old man has been the key of my fantasies since that time. My fantasies about whipping a girl, especially her chest pushed me to leave marks on my own body. I remember using my mother lipstick to draw red marks on my chest and ass…
Later, at the beginning of my teenage years, I had more specific masochistic practices: cutting my skin around my nipples with a blade, pushing needles into my nipples, electric shocks (first with an electronic lighter and later with a bicycle dynamo). I then had harder experiments like burning myself with the sun and a looking glass, burning my pubic hairs by spraying inflamed denaturated alcohol (it was so exciting, so scary, I still remember the smell of the alcohol and of the burnt hairs).
I did things that many people will think repulsive like letting mealworms and ants biting my penis.
Being very thin, with blond curly hair, I was often chased by old(er) men in the streets and in the metro. They used to follow me and I was used to escape them but afterward, I masturbated imaging myself being tied up, whipped and raped by these men. It is still one of my big fantasies.
When I was a student and when I started to live in my own little flat (before internet time) : I started to roam Paris streets at night, places where men used to meet and sometimes had sex, some public gardens at night… I just wanted to feel the desire, the excitement of being chased, to stir up sexual hunger on these men. I started to walk around barefoot, because I had that idea that being barefoot with dark soles meant being like a slave. I knew too that seeing a 20 years old boy walking barefoot at night would make me noticed. I loved walking in water puddles or, much better, oil puddle to leave behind me the marks of my feet and encourage men to follow me.
At that time, I started too to have anal masturbation which helped me fulfilling my fantasy of being raped.
All along, I had identical fantasies about girls : girls walking barefoot, girls being raped, girls being whipped and tied up. Whipmarks on their breasts, ants biting their vulva and so forth…
It was my secret lonely life at night, my secret garden. Nowaday I still dream that I whip girls and I still masturbate thinking of being raped and whipped by a man older than me.
MasterMarc: What makes pain, which is for “normal” people (I know most of us here on sadOsam aren’t normal 🙂 ) something they don’t like, so interesting, so desirable and satisfying for you?
Boblesclave: First, I don’t think we are all looking for the same thing with masochism or sadism. Some people really do look for pain, real pain, some people look for what pain can bring with it.
I belong to the second part of people. Pain in itself is not what I really look for. I look for the fear of it and the excitement it involves, I look for the physical marks it leaves on the body and the way it alters the body representation. When I say that I look for the fear and excitement of the pain, I think about my will to try things that I am not sure to master like playing with fire, insects or sometimes electricity. The pain in itself exists but it is nothing compared to the anticipation of it, the fact that you don’t know exactly what will happen and how you will master it or bear it.
For example, when it happens that I can play with ants (look at Queensake’s videos for a fellow masochist who likes ants too !), it is very very exciting because when they start to crawl on my penis and bite me, I don’t know exactly where they will go, how long it will last and how strong it will be.
When I used to play with fire, it was so …exciting : I sprayed alcohol that I lit with a lighter on my pubic hairs. The sound of the flame, its smell, the heat, the burning of my hairs, the temporary irreversibility of it was such an excitement as well as the modification of my body. Just by writing about it I can feel my penis swelling. Fire, is dangerous, it is even harder to control fire than ants or hungry mealworms. A few seconds late to extinguish it and you’re burnt and burns are horribly painful and ugly too : I did not look for burns but the fear of it and the sensuality of them (the sound, the smell, the heat). I don’t do it anymore but I often think about it.
Electricity is very interesting too because you don’t often know if it will be a pleasing vibration or a hard pain.
I love much more than the pain the marks of it : whipmarks, cuts, bruises, the beautiful bruises which are like abstract paintings on the body. I especially like whipmarks which leave reddish marks on the body like loving snakes. I like the writing it leaves on the body : on my back, on my buttocks, on my penis on women breasts and vulvas. I like the color, I like the blood too. Bruises are a more poetic expression of pain, they gathered many different colors like mad tattoos with uncertain shape. They are the memory of the pain like an old photo and a kind of secret badge.
From time to time I like whipping my penis for the main too reasons I’ve just explained : the excitement of the unknown pain to come (and often very sharp) and the pretty marks it leaves on my penis too.
To end with my answer, you must have noticed too that what I like too is my temporary body modification too. I like the whipmarks and the bruises, the cuts and the bites because the way my body looks like afterward, it is not anymore an ordinary body but mine with my own signature on it and it is not the body of the man everybody knows, the polite and civilized man people think they know, it is the body of my secret self, my dark corner.
MasterMarc: It sounds as pain play is for you a game, kind of gambling, with a result which has his special esthetics. What I am missing in your answer is the interaction with a sadistic guy. Is the moment you receive pain an egoistic moment you just want to have for yourself and not share with others? But later you share pictures of the results with others.
Boblesclave: My pain play is above all a fantasy that I’ve carried with myself since my childhood. It is something that I’ve always done alone. The main reason for that is that, being a fantasy, I rarely found reality as exciting as my fantasy. When I was a teenager or a young man and I used to roam streets at night or woods where men used to get hit on, I’ve never met the man I wanted to find as the sadist partner I was looking for. I was looking for man much older than me (a man in his late 50’s or better 60 or older), quite ugly, even disgusting and I understand now, someone very far from being a real human being. I did not want to talk with him, to kiss him, to have any relationship with him. It was a hopeless search and I understand now now that it was not a sincere one. I rember and old ugly man often sitting on a bench at night not far from my home? I had noticed that he looked at me and I wanted to give a stir to him. One night as I walked by him he followed me to my home. I remember taking off my shoes in the street to get his attention and, shaking all over letting the door of my building opened by blocking it and starting to climb the stairs not to fast in order to let him see my bare feet… And then run to my flat and close the door with my heart drumming. It was a missed occasion I know but I was not able to cross the line. These things happened to me very often then but rarely with men looking like my fantasy rapists. Once a man masturbated in front of me in the metro. He followed me but I succeeded in escaping him but afterward I was so excited that I went out to look for him but he was not there anymore. I was excited, scared, shy and undecided. Once a man followed me, he was much older, it was exciting but he started to talk to me and suddenly he looked so normal that it broke everything.
After a long time I have decided to live my fantasies all alone and to expose myself on Internet. Digital photography and internet communities were a real freedome and a great joy for me, it allowed me to live my fantasies all alone and, yes exactly as you say, share them with others. It is an absolutely egotistic approach that quite satisfies me now. I use myself as the subject of my own photographies to depict my own fantasies as a writer or a painter could do it. In a way, nowadays, I’m much more interested in constructing my photos than in the sex practices that they involve.
MasterMarc: Do you have any fantasies you haven’t realized yet? Can you tell us the fantasies and why do you haven’t done it till now?
Boblesclave: First, there my real sexual fantasies that I have not realized because I don’t have any sexual partner and don’t want to meet anyone anyway. Mostly it is a rape fantasy by a man over 50. He tears up my clothes, tie me up and fuck me hard in the ass. It would be better outdoor, especially in a wood or garden. Being tied up to a tree and whipped back side and front side, especially on my buttocks and penis. My penis tied up to a tree branch and ants biting it (I’ve done it myself several time but without being tied up of course). Being chained and forced to work naked under the sun, my body covered with dust, sweat and whipmarks. Being whipped with nettles and thorny branches is too a real turn on.
One of the thing that really fascinates me too is fisting. It must be an incredible experiment. I’ve tried several time to penetrate myself with objects and vegetables and I understand how much training you need to do it, how painful it can be too but it is very exciting also.
As a photographer of my own body and of my own fantasies there are several things that I’ve not done yet because it is quite hard to do it on my own. I would like to take pictures of myself tied up and hanged upside down with my testicles hanged upward hard with a rope. I’ve seen a few photos like that and it is very nice. I could do it on my own but it needs a lot of equipement and it can be dangerous to try it alone (especially the danger of not being able to untie yourself of course).
I’ve seen quite a few photos of people, mostly women but also men, tied to a cross and I think it is one of the hottest kind of bondage but it is definitly something you cannot do alone. I’d like to do too more photos of myself on anal penetration topic. I lke posting my photos on tumblr and it is always strange to see what photo has more success than another and to try to guess why… (sometimes I really don’t understand how it works except the fact that when your photo is reblogged by someone who has a lot of audience, you have too a lot of audience).
MasterMarc: In my eyes you would be much safe if you find a guy to live your phantasies. What is the problem for you? Why are you so scared about it? And do you think there is a way to find a solution for this problem?
Boblesclave: I don’t think there is a problem or that I’m scared by anything. I just don’t really care any more about finding someone to live my fantasies with. I really like what I do and how I do it and that is why I selfishly want to share it on Internet. What I do is mostly photography, fetish photography with myself and it is totally fulfilling for me. I don’t really need anybody to help me do that. As you say, what I haven’t done is mostly fantasies and fantasies are as perfect as they are impossible. They are very good to drive you forward, to make you think or to make you more creative. What I do with my photos and my body, I could do it by writing or drawing, it is exactly the same process and it is mostly a lonely road, it is also the best way to feel free. I do not look anymore for sexual partnership and even if my sex life may look like a mess I like it as it is : I just hope some peole do like my way of expressing myself and my fantasies with my photos.
You can find Boblesclave on Tumblr.