- The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
- The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
- A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.”
This is the Urban Dictionary list of definitions of the term “masochism”. What it basically means is that if you are a masochist, you CRAVE pain, you DESIRE punishment, you IMPLORE that those you seek to please treat you like you are no more than an object to be used. only to be disposed of afterward. Whether you need discipline as an unruly and bratty character, or you just flat out want to be humiliated and mistreated, you as a masochist NEED to be treated like shit (and luckily for you, the vast majority of people in this world are more than willing to help provide this much needed abuse if you truly desire it.)
I myself find it hard to catagorize myself
I myself find it hard to catagorize myself in the whole world of kink and sexuality, in the eyes of humanity I really feel I am indifferent to being a part of this singularity or hive-mind mentality that seems to wrap its claws around the vast majority of other people, but I can say for sure that masochism makes a great deal of my life. I grew up with little to no real care provided from my parents, my father was a drunk, mother too emotionally unstable and young to raise a child, family in dissaray… need I say more than that there is a whole litany of problems from my past that I’d rather not go into here that I have needed to resolve and find peace in.
I found myself always craving punishment, maybe it was the attention, or maybe it was the desire to be treated like a normal kid, made to be responsible for my actions and have it be displayed so people would know that I was a good boy and not a lost cause like everyone else growing in my circumstances. I’d break windows, start problems with violent kids, intentonally break any rules I could just for the sake of receiving some sort of discipline; I suppose I wasn’t such a good boy after all now that I think of it. Not that it matters, my attention shifted to trying to control my ADHD and trying to be a successful person and through abuse I found I had the greatest of motives to keep pushing forward, for, if I could endure the most extreme of pains and pull through them, then I could do anything I set myself to do.
The pathology behind my desire to be scorned by physical and sometimes emotional pain may be a bit warped in the eyes of a medical professional, but I suppose everyone has a way of coping with their problems, right?
I began to ask partners to show me your care by treating me like garbage
Slowly, I began to find myself asking partners to be more assertive with me, to throw me around and show me they really cared by treating me like garbage, and, in my own judgement I can honestly say I don’t feel like it’s the best idea to try and get someone you’re with to physically/verbally abuse you regularly as that could lead them down a path of more sadistically maniachal abuse that supercedes any expectations you had of a dom/sub relationship and leads you to be in a situation where you fear the person you loved before and have no way of escaping. Despite my better judgement, I STILL can’t help but seek these sorts of situations out… as if the fantasies within my head MUST be fulfilled in order for me to feel truly alive. I feel that to be physically/emotionally tried by someone you trust gives you more to think about both on a primal level and a spiritual one as well.
“Punch me in the stomach!”
“Kick me, hit me, I don’t care!”
“Punish me please!”
“Spank me ’til I’m bruised and bleeding!”
“Break that whip on my back!”
You find yourself asking the most absurd of things if you really think about it, as human desire would normally be NOT to inflict pain onto oneself, so what could you possibly be if your desires stray away from that of the average human? Something greater? Or something without value? What is it that you TRULY feel about yourself with regards to your masochistic desires?
Can’t you just hear the intense “SMACK!” of the paddle against your ass, that warm feeling that follows the blistering sting as it repeatedly strikes back down on you, adrenaline inviting you to ask for more while simultaneously fear insues as to the physical damage you can truly withstand from the cracking paddles and flogs on your ass.
Do you need pain to make you feel like you’re in your place?
Can’t you just Hear the “CRACK!” of that whip as it strikes your back, that blistering, blinding, barelling stream of sting that seemsto infect your back first from left to right, then right to left, then up and down, then back again. Over and over again striking the same place until you can take no more… Does this excite you? Does this… invigorate? Motivate? Does this humiliate you because you are too weak to take on any more for your loving master?
Maybe you can’t hear this. Maybe you just need a series of kicks to the nuts to make you feel like your in your place, maybe you need to black out for a moment from being choked between some muscular thighs far to strong for you to ever break free from. Maybe it’s best you be punched in the guts… Or maybe physicality is not your forte?
Are you just a worthless little worm worried the world will wish you were thrown in with the other waste where you STILL go unwanted? I bet you wish you were loved, or even hated, validated in any way other than how you go on now; completely and utterly… ignored. It must suck not being seen, not being heard, but you know what, you can at least be my verbal punching bag if that would make your existance just a little less meaningless. I do get a kick out of making someone cry every now and again… tears of the psychological burden of ceaseless isolation and the meaningless existance given to a worm… a worm like you. Oh yes, these are sooo much funner to draw…
What makes us tick, or rather, what makes YOU, the reader, tick here? How far does the rabbit hole of masochistic harm go before it becomes less about the fetish and more about the agony. Clive Barker or E.L James? Your answer may very well determine whether you need some serious help to tame the fuck down, or kink the fuck up.
CBT, electricution, surgical play, whipping, flogging, spanking, striking, choking, humiliation, ect… the list of devilish kinks escribed to pain and destruction are endless, and in a way, they are such artistic expressions of sexuality that should be observed in such a brighter light than just that of the drug addicted, crime worshipping, or otherwise frowned upon people’s choices in the world, you shouldn’t be made to feel like shit (ironic, given the context) for what it is you desire most in the world. If it is pain you seek, then pain damn it, you SHALL RECEIVE! Fuck what everyone else has to say about it, they don’t have to be in your life. They can stay in with the vanilla extract society they cling to while you seek out what makes you feel the desire to continue stomping on through the mucky world of humans.