or SM without Confidence?
Again and again I get confronted with the question, if I can feel inspired by a quick, anonymous, short, single SM-session. To this question I answer actually with NO, because the short quicky with an unknown person is not the way how I want to live out SM. You can for sure practice vanilla-sex that way, but in my mind it’s not possible with really lustful SM.
To be able to dominate someone really, to play with his limits, I need to know him very well. The first sessions, or in longtime-service, the first days, are more effort to me then fun. From reading my other texts, you know that I’m aware of my responsibility and that this responsibility also attracts me. To accept this responsibility, I’ve to become aquainted with the slave intimately the first days. Often I say, I have to learn to interpret him. In little steps, increasing themselfes slowly, I have to learn, how the slave reacts, when something pleases or displeases him. Thereby I’m not concerning to verbal reactions, but to the physical signs, which show me, how the slave feels. How does his muscular system react, his respiration, his pulse also. This phase is important, if you want to play with limits later. A bondaged slave, unable to move, will have no other possibility to communicate with his master, in that situation. He does that just with the fineness of his body.
I my mind, the most fascinating part of SM is to play with the ceiling. Within that scope, the real lustful moments, the impressing experiences, are happening. Thereby it’s cosiderable with a marathon-runner who sometime on his long way comes to the point, on which he has the feeling of exhaustion, which says him that he can’t go on. If he can get over that point, he can again mobilize that much unexpected power, until he really reaches his limits. The experience of the sub is pretty much the same.
At some time the slave has the feeling, that he can’t stand the pain anymore. You won’t go any further in the first phase with slaves you don’t know well. So actually the slave is domineering over the situation. That can be lustful until reaching that point, but isn’t something missing? Only when you know someone that well, that you know how far you can continue after the first “I-can-stand-it-no-more-sings”, without really crossing his limits, then it becomes really fascinating. These are moments, in which the slave feels totally surrendered. This is the situation, in which he recognizes that he has nothing to report, that his word doesn’t count. The powerlessness, the misery, the reeling of being forced is most intense then, and for me as a master that’s the moment where I really feel the passion of dominance inside me.
Confidence is for sure supposition that a slave can devote himself to a master that way. He must have the internal certainty that his master knows, how far he can go without really over-charching the slave. He wants to know internally that his master doesn’t expect anything from him that would harm him or hurt him physically or psychically. This confident, this safety, this knowledge takes time, sympathy und well mutual knowledge. But then you can go very far, can have a lot of fun together and you can reach so far unknown spheres of lust.
Now I ask you Is it possible to find this confidence, this safety and that knowledge at a quick, anonymous session? Not in my opinion. How can I play with the ceiling, if I don’t know were to find it? Limits are contrary to taboos, sensations and they are therefore in fact difficult to describe in advance. Palpating a body by my finger-tips in a darkroom is not enough for me, to erect confidence (maybe to erect something else but not confidence), and to conceive my vis-à-vis with his special likings. Also a short chat is to few for that. The sex without much conversation in advance, often demanded in different chatrooms is for sure practicable what concers vanilla-sex, even wild vanilla, but not if it comes to further SM.
To serve, do devote, to be defenceless and surrendered are important parts of the world of feelings of a slave. Time is an important component especially with the last sensation I mentioned. In short sessions, time is on the slave’s side, that means, in all he has to suffer, he can cling mentally to the imminent redemption. Only if the slave serves for a longer period, so time is not on his side anymore but time is runnig against him, then he feels really surrendered, then he feels his powerlessness and immerses in the smallness of his existance.
If “Narrow-Gauged-SM” is enough for you or if the maso has an attitude, that he really doesn’t care, what happens to him, how he looks like after such a session or how his physical condition is, so SM-cruising is suitable for sure. Me myself live essentially by following the device: “ Why shall I be contented with a part, if I can get the all of it?” Cruising-SM is not lustful enough for me, and concernig feelings it means definitely nothing me. That’s the reason why I essentually refuse to it. I say “essentually” on purpose, because in special moments, even I was slave of my passion and probably that can happen in future from time to time, too. Nevertheless, concerning that question, at the end it lasts to write down, that I ejaculated after the cruising-experiences I made so far, but I felt everything else then really satisfied.