There is few things where the outside perspective differs so extremely from the inside perspective as in a relationship between MASTER and slave. In most cases, third parties see SM as a one-way, inhuman perversion, free of emotions, of a crank with an idiot. Those who are not into SM project themselves into this relationship and since they do not have the desire to practice SM (or at least they do not acknowledge this desire), they condemn SM as an illness. It’s easy to do so.
Many of us have first done the step to realise that being gay is not against nature and is no problem for your life. But many of us were facing a second step after this one: What sort of a pervert am I to be into the roughest of things? How can you enjoy humiliation, be it active or passive? How sick is it to get horny with pain? Why is it hot to be dirty? Well, you wanted to skip the idea of being into SM, but a deeply felt desire draw you back into that again and again. That’s what happened to me, and actually it was the advantages of the neverending depths of the internet that offered me access to this topic – it took a long way round to find the sites, though, how should one know? In the beginning it started with wanking to pics of bondage-boys, later interaction in chatrooms followed. Yes, I had the big advantage of being one of the first generation of computer kids. How have they ever done it before our times?
Well, one day you realise that SM is nothing bad, since living your desires is not a one-way track at all. SM as a whole is consensual, even if some situations are of abusive nature. The consensual nature, the mutuality makes SM so different from abuse or real rape, thus there is nothing immoral or bad about SM-actions. It’s the fun of both parties to satisfy each other’s desires. These desires might look special, unusual and thus kinky for a fuddy-duddy citizen.
What really trouble the Non-SM-crowd most is the fact that the specific actions of SM are usually seen in a negative light in our society. Me, too, I do condem this kind of action if not consensual. I dislike violence and I hate these seemingly decent people who beat the shit out of their wives at home.
I cannot see anything valuable in people who humiliate others in their professional capacity just to have a better standing. Kidnappers who rape their victims are to be jailed for the safety of us all. And yet, i love to humiliate someone who wants and needs it, to play dirty, to be cruel to punish him or for my own pleasure, just to do whatever I like – and to lock him up in a cage if not in service. What is the difference to a pervert and criminal?
Apart from the consensual character of my actions the difference might also be in my whole attitude, that is probably characterised as bearing many paradoxes by others: I could never beat up anyone whom I don’t like. I only humiliate people that I have a lot of respect for. I play dirty only with a counterpart that I like a lot and of whom I know that he’s a cultivated person, normally. And all this is conditional upon the real desire and need of my “partner” to take it and that he is willing to go this way with me. This said, the stricter, the tougher, the dirtier, the more degrading – the better.
We cannot expect others to understand us. To be frank, as a MASTER with not an inch of submissiveness inside I cannot understand what drives the slave. His feelings are strange to me. Yet, I try to understand his world, even if I will never fully succeed. How should someone understand who is not into the rough stuff at all? However, we ask for acceptance for our lifestyle since we harm no one nor hinder any third parties. Everyone has got the freedom to shape his private life the way he likes it. We claim this freedom, too.