The relationship between a Master and his slave has been called one of the deepest human relations before, here. This relationship – as any other – has to be built and cultivated. Knowing the other one, confiding to him, understanding each other – these are the basics of entering new spheres of horniness.
Yet, how do you do the first steps in the relationship as Master and slave? This first and pretty difficult step has got nothing to do with the different positions of the parties in SM. The basic confidence, that we need to win, is to be found on a human level. Today, looking for people and making first touch is easy due to the internet. Never has it been easier to find the SM-guys in the crowd of gays. One additional tick in the search engines of Gayromeo and Co. and SM guys come to light you would never have met in leather bars. Had you seen them in the streets you would never have guessed that they are as swinish and tough as you are.
On this platform you usually check whether your interests fit (interests of sexual and non-sexual nature), whether the appearance of the other one is okay, and whether you can imagine to let this other human being get any near to you. For me, checking the interests and the character are of great importance. “Mastercolleagues” who are macho on the virtual level and who think they should express their “dominance” by using ridiculous status symbols or rudeness are definitely dubious to me. These types ignore the human being in the slave and they probably have problems recognising the human character. In doing so – is it possible to committ oneself to each other? How should the slave put any confidence in such a master? Confidence since he started in the chatroom to humiliate rudely???
When the relationship changes from the virtual (mostly with the step of phoning to the real level, I like to leave it to the slave to choose whether to have a drink first or a proper session with a starting examination. Leaving this to the slave is not a sign of lack of dominance. The point is: building confidence. Actually it is the slave who is much more vulnerable in his first session, and thus he needs more certainty than the Master.
I can dissuade you from first meetings where you first have a drink, do some talking and then start with the action. I do not have big problems with switching from this friendly atmosphere to Master-slave level, but a lot of slaves have such problems. And, it is not so easy to get this switching done in a way neither grotesque nor ridiculous or simply not turning you on. I am willing to meet days before the first session, once or even more often on a friendly basis. The first day of action, though, starts with the different positions of Master and slave.
The slave has to be aware from the start that he is primarily my slave, not my guest. He needs time to accustom to that. At the first meeting, the slave usually gets to see me only when he is kneeling in my appartment, head to the floor, legs spread, so that I have free view of his butt and his balls. I love to let him wait. This waiting for the Master promotes his “slave awareness”, being naked makes him feel without protection, ruthlessly exposed, even though he is not yet constrained in his movements. There have been slaves who suddenly realised that this is not their cup of tea, who got up, put on their clothes and left. This is in my view better than having a bad session interrupted later.
After the slave has been waiting for some time, the examination does not yet start. What follows is nothing but a brief physcial contact with the slave. This contact is not very rude. What is important is to touch the anus, the balls or the dick first. The first time, the slave feels his master’s presence, he feels it at his genitals – and is thus robbed of any intimate sphere. A “stranger” touches his most intimate body parts and this without asking. This little step is the beginning of reducing the slave from subject to object.
After this, in most times a quick captivation with hands cuffed on the back follows. The way to defenselessness beginns. The feeling of being turned over grows more intense. Again, I leave the slave alone. He has to wait. He has to get aware as what he came and to ask himself whether he will really be happy in his new position, even if he feels far from comfortable.
A couple of minutes later, and this is often ages for the slave, I get back to him. If I feel an uncertainty with him, I ask him whether he really wants to serve as a slave or whether he prefers to leave. When I am sure, his “dehumanisation” starts with putting on the mask, so he can’t hear, his eyes are blinded with a patch, he’s gagged and gets cuffs around his feet and his hands. He’s completely beyond his own control. As a crowning final step I put the collar around his neck, the ultimate symbol of slavehood. The examination can start.
With any new slave I am a beginner again, too, a beginner with some experience and routine, though. But since I do not know the slave, I am new to him, and I have to start coming to grips with this pig. Routine and experience help, but routine should not lead to a fixed script, since it is of importance to place all empathy with this new willing slave. I have to engage with this new slave completely from scratch. It has to be coherent for both sides!