It is quite common that people in very young years feel that they are kinky and love to be submissive, but our western society doesn’t makes it easy for them to commit to their desires. We get socialised to be dominant because most of our mothers and fathers want us to be sucessful, powerful and an alpha type. Change the world. And you want to please your parents. But at the same time you feel that you love to feel weak, that you would love to serve a superior, that it would be wonderful if others would decide for you. …. This can become a serious inner conflict, and some start to feel ashamed about their own desires and needs. It can even lead to depression.
First of all, let me say that being submissive or dominant does not have a judgable value. They are just different types of characters, and to be honest, there are much more beta and omega guys than alpha types. You don’t have to feel bad about what you are.
Today I’m talking with a young British kinkster who is exploring his submissive side. This is probably a talk I could also had with others of you.
A 19 years old twink
from the United Kingdom
Illustrations by Nicolas Brunet
Hi Ethan. If you look back, when have you felt for the first time that you love to be inferior and that you like to be dominated?
Well, the first time I began to have these feelings of inferiority was probably when I was about 14/15 yrs old. I was on tumblr when a scene from a bdsm gay porno came up in my feed. Out of curiosity I grabbed my headphones and decided to watch. I’d never have thought this would have turned me on, but I instantly became connected to it. I was fascinated by what I was seeing, a younger slim twink screaming out in cries as he was restrained whilst being whipped by an older hunkier man clad in leather. I loved the vocal dialogue between the two, it was so unequal, one was getting pleasure from the situation and the other pain. The only thing that concerned me about the scene was the fact that I was infatuated by the sub, not that I wanted to use him but that I envied his position. I thought he was so lucky to be in the presence of a strong dominating top. I needed that, the feeling of for once being actually useful to a man.
I’ve always been timid around boys and men, in fact I’ve never had a true friend that’s been male. In high school I was quite ruthlessly bullied by some boys and at that time I hated it, ended up moving schools to get away. I believe my inferiority stems from my disconnect of boys growing up and never feeling like I was on their level.
What exactly was the turn on you got by the scene you have seen? What have been the feelings you got and haven’t you been scared about the pain the boy did have to suffer?
It’s difficult to explain, heck I don’t really understand the turn on myself. It was kind of just like a tingle inside me, a gut feeling that this was what I needed. Maybe it was out of rebellion of being raised by an overprotective parent that made me ache for the danger. I definitely felt worried and scared about the pain that would be inflicted, yes. But as I kept watching the scene, I began to understand the roles of the sub deeper. What pleased him was his dominant partners pleasure, so much so that all that pain, the stings and bruises became nothing more than signs of him being a good boy for submitting. And by learning that I understood that what looked like an unequal relationship from first glance was actually very rewarding for both partners, just in different ways, and I think that is what got me over any worries of the pain that I may suffer.
I understand what you mean boy. But I’m sure you have also had bad feelings about your desires you realized to have had after this situation. Am I right? And what exactly were the thoughts giving you these bad feelings?
Yes that’s right, usually after I cum or my horniness levels have gone down I’m left feeling deeply ashamed at my desires, and thinking that to be in the subs position would actually be quite slutty and something that would disgust normal people if they ever found out I wanted that kind of treatment during sex, let alone my friends or family. This causes me to try and deny my inner feelings and step back from the kink scene and sex in general, but then once I’m back and horny again it’s like nothings changed and I’m still craving to be that little restrained slave submitting and being used by a dom. This continuing issue has been present for years now and I think it’s part of the reason I didn’t lose my virginity till I was 19 in a country where the age of consent is 16.
I know in the beginning the desires are always connected with horniness. I think if we are horny we become egoistic, and we just think about our own needs and ignore all the other stakeholders in our environement. Hehe. But if you would ignore the family, the friends etc. in moments you aren’t horny, do you think you would still love to be an inferior?
It’s tricky to know for sure, because I’m such an anxious individual that I’m constantly thinking of those around me and what they’ll say or think. If I did have the ability to silence that then yes I think I would still have that need to serve, because that inferiority is planted so deeply inside me. It was the same thing with losing my virginity, I didn’t do it for the longest time because I’d always had people around me who would’ve asked questions if I attempted to sneak out. But then once I was in a new environment away from those people I had the confidence to follow through with having sex.
What do you think is the reason that your environement thinks that being inferior is something bad for you, that you can’t become happy as inferior, that you deserve something “better”?
I don’t necessarily think the environment I’m surrounded by views inferiority as a bad thing, but the way I view myself in such a sexual manner would be opposed by them, and certainly not encouraged. Not because I deserve something better, but BECAUSEI should just be normal and conform to a typical relationship.
Do you think you violate anybody with your desire to be dominated?
Only myself I think.
And do you feel harmed as slave, or is it the feeling you’re looking for, something you feel good if you can live it?
I wouldn’t say I’d feel harmed being a submissive, emotionally I suspect that feelings of degradation and humiliation would surely be present in mind, but of course, those are two things that both turn me on and I deeply desire, they are the signs that I’m fulfilling my role and doing what’s needed to be a good inferior boy by pleasing his dominant.
So you don’t feel harm and at the same time you are pleasing somebody else. That sounds like something good. Nobody of the involved people have negative experiences of feelings. Of course consent has always to be the base of such action. Do you see anything bad you have to feel ashamed about?
Yes you are right, both parties are getting a certain pleasure out of such an experience/relationship albeit that the source of said pleasure comes from different sources for both the sub/dom. I think the aspect of shame comes once that experience has ended, and I have time to think over what may have happened, and how much I let my kinky mindset take over and made decisions which when I’m level headed I would not have done.
It sounds two-sided when you’re talking about your kinkster personality. It is just you and it is nothing bad. You are gay …. ok, most of the people are heterosexual, but is it bad to be gay? You probably like British food …. which most wouldn’t say that it is their favourite kitchen. But is it bad to like British dishes? To be submissive is just a characteristic of you and as it doesn’t harm anybody you really don’t have to feel bad about.
Do you like to serve, do you like to be used, do you like to satisfy a superior?
Serving gives me a sense of purpose that I don’t feel doing anything else. Having a superior man use me and give me commands that i follow fills me with a sense of pride that i’m being a good boy. Seeing and hearing their satisfaction with my submission definitely makes me feel acomplished and happy.
And to feel happy is the most important. There is nothing you have to feel bad about. And it is your private thing. You don’t have to tell people you don’t want to that they know it. And a good Master, a guy who really deserves your passion and devotion, will always protect you and take care of you. You really don’t have to feel bad about your feelings. Do whatever makes you happy. As you are not harming anybody, there is no reason to not living it. To serve is your right, and it is also your right to select the Master. You have to feel confortable with him and you need to trust him. If you find this guy who is completing you, then you will also see that you and your needs are completing his needs. In such a case I can just tell you: ENJOY IT, ENJOY THE WAY YOU ARE, ACCEPT YOURSELF and if you are a good boy in what you’re doing …. then BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!