Power exchange is something which restricts some but others find their freedom by losing their liberties. Today we’re talking with Harry, a young British looking for total power exchange (TPE), that means to loose all his liberties and to get told and ordered everything in life. Let’s see what his motivation is and let us confront him with questions mirroring his desires and needs.
1997 | 188 cm | 73 kg
West Yorkshire (UK)
Hi Harry. I know you’ve had some short term POWER EXCHANGE experiences and you liked it. Now you’re searching for longterm tpe. As a child I’ve always hated if my parents did restrict me and my liberties, of course it was also good that they have done it, but can you tell us when you’ve realized that you like to get restricted?
I’m struggling to answer this because I can’t think of a particular moment where I realised that I enjoyed being controlled. For me, it (and a lot of my other kinks) have been more of a gradual realisation – catching a glimpse of an idea in a video or tumblr post, or from something that someone else has said. And then it spirals out from there until I’m begging to lick someone’s boots or wear chastity haha.
It is quite natural that such needs and desires grow with time. Can you tell us about the fantasies you’ve had before you started to live tpe in real life?
I think a lot of my fantasies revolve around being steadiy “corrupted”. One of my oldest fantasies is of working in an office with a Boss who gradually dominates and conditions me, until I’m a poorly paid PA and Houseboy, caged and grateful for everything.
Dehumanisation also appeals to me in this way. Being stripped of my individuality and becoming a toy, or simply an extension of the Dominant. And of course, hypnosis and mindfuckery plays into that a lot!
“Die Gedanken sind frei” is an old German song about freedom of thought. But it is often difficult to live fantasies in real life. One of the most important issues with the fantasies you’ve told us is that they don’t build on consent, and consent is the base of good sm. Have you ever thought about how this problem could be solved?
I think I’ve mostly solved this problem (for myself) by acknowledging that these are simply fantasies. I’d be very alarmed and likley not turned on if someone tried to do something without my consent – part of being free to submit is feeling safe in the environment and with the person I’m submitting to. I don’t ever meet up with someone without having a (hopefully LENGTHY) conversation about both of our interests and expectations. Sessions and sex are far more fun when you feel safe to let go and give up control completely. I also have never worked under a Boss who has been a charming, handsome dominant 😉.
I find that to be an issue with a lot of Doms and fellow subs – the inability to recognise that fantasies can’t always be reality.
Hehe. But if you would find this person and an environement you feel safe and protected … would you say that the fantasy you’ve had is still kind of a goal for your life?
It’s definitely something I’d love to try! Who knows, I could hate the 24/7 aspect of it and be desperate to have my own opinions and freedom. But I doubt that!
I like having a structure to my life, which I find difficult to impose on myself.
Why do you think that you would feel comfortable in such a long term lived total power exchange situation?
I like having a structure to my life, which I find difficult to impose on myself. Being able to focus on another person’s desires and ideas I find is also a great way to explore my own understanding, and much more likely to motivate me to do something. If I’m cleaning the bathroom for myself it feels like a lot of effort, but if it’s for a Dominant it feels like an opportunity to prove myself and improve the life of another person. There’s also freedom to be found in restrictions – I must spend hours staring into the fridge trying to decide what to eat! In sum, motivation and accountability, and the freedom of restriction.
Seems you have a deep desire to please and to become part of another guys life rather than to live your own life. Is that correct and how else would you characterize your desires and needs?
That sounds right! I think a big need of mine is to feel wanted and desired. I touched on this in the questionnaire – I want to feel wanted. Some guys make me feel pathetic and good, because they love it and love making guys like me weak and pathetic. But then there are others who simply enjoy tearing someone down and then act as if that’s undesirable. I find it impossible to feel motivated to serve someone that doesn’t offer the positive reinforcement alongside the negative.
Having a kind of friendship alongside the kink certainly helps too. The people and scenes I’ve enjoyed the most have been with someone who I know outside of kink a little. It’s far hotter seeing someone who you’ve just joked with turn into a controlling Dom than it is for someone to be in that mindset 100% of the time.
Too feel wanted sounds quite romantic. Or is it probably more the feeling of being useful, helpful and satisfying for your “partner” and earning this way his attention and to get his good feedback, but also the critic and punishment if needed.
I think it’s probably a balance of those two. Not always necessarily always romantic, perhaps erotic. And the second is definitely an important part of the sub/Dom dynamic – being of use, earning praise and criticism and in turn becoming more useful.
Would you say that you’re an inferior? And you love to be it?
I would say yes, in the classical sense. I am inferior because I am of lower rank than Dominants. There’s a lot of discussion in the kink world about this, with some people being very strongly comitted to the idea of inferiority/superiority and some people being very strongly against. For me it is closer to fantasy than reality – I’m inferior in rank, but my desires and body and no better or worse than those of another.
It’s super satisfying for me when I can serve and satisfy a Dom.
I have experiences with longterm lived slavery and in my eyes if you live it in a good way it is like in normal life: GIVE and TAKE. Devotion has to be earned and a Master has to carry the responsability and to take care about and protect his boys. The goal is that all involved are satisfied. The good thing of real sub/slave guys is that they get their own satisfaction by satisfying others. Would you agree and can you tell us some examples out of your experiece?
Definitely! It’s super satisfying for me when I can serve and satisfy a Dom.
One moment that stood out to me is when I was staying in an apartment with a Dom and he praised me for rinsing the glasses before getting him a drink. That I did something like that to improve his experience, without thinking, impressed him and his reaction in turn made me feel so good. Of course I’ve licked many a thing from boots to pits, and revelled in serving sexually. Being able to arouse and bring a man to orgasm is powerful and knowing that I made someone feel that good… it’s almost indescribable!
How important is your own orgasm for your satisfaction?
Definitely less important. Like most guys I enjoy orgasming, but focussing on the Dom’s orgasm and being denied can create a much more powerful and satisfying headspace and attitude, that lasts far longer than any orgasm. This is one reason why I want something longer term – so I can practice being in chastity, locked and denied, for longer and longer.
Longterm chastity is kind of “castration” of a boy, to take him his manhood away and to make him focus sexually on his holes. Is the feeling to become a pussyboy and not to be a real man something you like?
Definitely! Even to be dehumanised so far as to be little more than a living fleshlight is something that can appeal to me at times.
That means if you feel the protection we have been talking before you don’t want to be a sub partner, you prefer to become an owned object with no own rights?
Something close to that I think. It’s hard to judge specifically what I want longer term because obviously I don’t have endless experience. But being owned and with next to no rights is something I would very much like to explore. More likely is there would be some balance and alternation between being a complete object and being a sub.
But being owned and with next to no rights is something I would very much like to explore.
This lifestyle includes always also humiliation. How important is humiliation for you and can you give us some examples of situations you felt humiliated and kind of embarassed but at the same time you liked it and felt good?
I don’t find humiliation that important. I said it earlier, but I like feeling desired, which doesn’t always work in humiliation.
That being said, being dressed up in slutty thongs, being spit on/in, foot worship can all be portrayed as quite humiliating and I have enjoyed those a lot. I think when the Dom recognises that I’m submitting to humiliation because I want to serve and impress so badly, it works. If he finds it funny and endearing and likes seeing me desperate and that makes him want to use me more, it’s very hot. If it’s just sitting there saying I’m useless/pathetic and making out almost as if I shouldn’t be there – I switch off and don’t want to submit.
Oh that is an imporant point: I could never humiliate someone I don’t like and I don’t have a good picture of him, as I could never punish and torture a boy I don’t really like. It is always about the motivation behind. It has to be a positive one. Then humiliation can become kind of appreciation and pain kind of tenderness. Do you understand what I mean?
I think that a lot of the guys do have an interest in me, but that doesn’t come across in their domination when they try to humiliate. It’s probably something to do with that border between fantasy and reality. But I definitely agree that the humiliation and pain can be a form of appreciation and tenderness – encouraging a boy to take one more spank, or finding it adorable how messed up a sub will get for a Dom.
Now you’ve excluded some types of guy to become your dom and owner. Probably you should also tell us what kind of dom you’re looking for?
I’ve probably woven the kind of Dom that appeals to me throughout my answers.
One who is controlling and considerate. One who pushes me and helps me to grow, whether that’s into greater depravity or increasing utility. And definitely one who knows the difference between fantasies and reality, and how to work with both. I’ve learnt a lot about myself through my exploration of kink, so getting to do that with a good Dom can be very powerful.
And I’m quite sure that if you find the guy you feel comfortable and safe you would love to give also consent to non consent. Am I right?
Exactly! You’ve got to save some things for the second date 😉!