A kinky story written by Pete Brown | Chapter 10

Click here to see all published chapters | Illustration by Theo Blaze.

Julie didn’t seem all that worried that we were later home than usual, although I saw Dan almost panic as he realised when we went in to the light that there was a big grass stain in the back of his jacket where we had perhaps been a little too enthusiastic as we rolled around in the woods.  But I suppose that if you’re going to cheat on your wife you have to learn to lie, and later in the evening he was quite brazen in asking Julie for some stain remover, and when she asked why, he said that he’d gone out to have his lunchtime sandwich and had sat on a patch of wet grass.  I listened quietly as this exchange was going on, keeping my head down and trying not to look at either of them (and feeling my cock stir, as I remembered the real reason for the mess on his jacket!).

After supper and when Julie and Dan had done the washing up, Dan turned to me.  “OK, Steve, strip off, and up on the kitchen table.”

I looked startled, and I saw a flicker of a smile on his face as he continued “We’re off to the Essex Show tomorrow, remember?  And it’s a long time since you had a proper trim.  Now’s as good a time as ever…. So get up there.”

I went to undo my jeans, and thought about what we’d been doing on the way home.  “I’ll just go upstairs and wash….”, I managed to stammer.  “I’ve been working hard today…. And I’m, well, you know, a bit sweaty….”

“You’re such a considerate man, Steve”, Julie said brightly.  “I bet if I was going to trim Dan’s pubes, he’d not think of that.”

“Well he doesn’t need it done!”, I blurted out before I thought about it.  “He hasn’t got a very thick bush….”

“Steve, how do you know that?”

Fortunately I thought fast, and managed to stutter out “Well, you know…. After the football…. The communal showers….”

Julie nodded, but  I saw Dan’s expression going from one of almost terror, to one of relief.

I went up to the bathroom and it was just as well that I’d gone up to wash, as when I pulled down my jeans and boxers there was a distinct whiff of Dan’s ass juice.  I realised that this was going to be a problem in future as Julie did the laundry for both of us, and I wondered if she would notice stains on the front of my boxers.  And then, what about Dan’s?  If we were going to fuck on the way home, what were his shorts going to be like when my cum leaked out of him before he had time to do anything about it?  I’d have to talk to Dan about that – perhaps we’d have to buy new stuff and change in the woods.  But then, Julie would see it was new…. So perhaps we’d have to buy new stuff and put if on afterwards, then put the “old” stuff into the laundry as usual, and throw the new away….  Fuck me, but our little liaisons were going to be more difficult to pull of than either of us had imagined.

Still, even after I’d scrubbed myself scrupulously clean it was pretty humiliating to have to kneel there on the kitchen table as Julie’s hairdressing scissors snipped away at my pubes – even more so than the first time, now that it was my lover’s wife who was doing the snipping!  And then Dan though he ought to shave my balls smooth as most of the other slaves were that way, and I had to endure his touches without getting hard as Julie was sitting there watching.  He picked up my cock and pressed it against my belly, and murmured “Just hold it up there, Steve, out of the way….”, and then proceeded to pull at and stretch my balls as he massaged them with shaving soap, and scraped the razor over them.

He decided he’d better do my bum then, as increasingly the judges seemed to like sliding a finger down there, and fortunately Julie went into the sitting room to watch TV – I don’t think I could have borne having Dan play with my arse with his wife watching.  It wasn’t supposed to be a sexual encounter,  but when there are two blokes who really like each other and one is touching the other one down there, it’s difficult not to make it one, isn’t it?  Dan told me to kneel and pull my bum cheeks apart so he could shave me, but even as he spread the shaving cream along there, he was teasing my pucker with his fingers, and stroking my balls seductively from the back.  I could feel myself going erect as a result of all this, and whispered “Dan, please… Don’t…. Julie might come in….”

He put his face close to mine, and as he continued to stroke and caress me whispered “Oh Steve, this is good…. I don’t get to do this usually, do I, as you’re so ready to start fucking me….? So let me enjoy it….”

I could feel his soapy finger pushing at me, trying for entry, and he was smiling as he carried on whispering conspiratorially  “Come on, Steve…. Open up for me…. Stop resisting….. Push out…. There’s a good boy….”

Well, there’s not much you can do about it, is there, when a bloke’s determined to get his finger up your arse?  You can hit him, I suppose, but  I could hardly do that, could I?  There’s just no way that you can stop a finger going up you without creating a major disturbance.  And, of course, once he was in, I started to feel that thrill of excitement that you can’t help, even if you don’t like having it done to you.

As we could hear the TV going on with its inane soap, Dan continued to slide his finger in and out of me and I was getting more and more excited.  Then when he finally hit my prostate and began to stroke it, I gave a little whimper, begging him to stop  “Dan, please…. Oh, fuck me…. Sweet Jesus….”

“Shhhh, Steve…. Julie will hear….”

“Dan, stop….”   But it was too late – Dan had reached under me with his other hand as I knelt there and gave my cock a couple of quick strokes, and the was nothing I could do to prevent my cum shooting out onto the kitchen table.

Dan was grinning, and kissed me lightly on the lips. “Hey, big boy…. A pretty good load, considering what you did earlier….”

“Dan…. Julie…..”

Dan peeked into the living room, realised the soap was about to finish, and went over to the sink to get a wet cloth to wipe up my cum.  “Dan…”, I hissed, “Use kitchen paper…. That’s the cloth Julie uses for the washing up.”

Dan nodded, and cleared up my slick off the table, tossing the paper into the rubbish bin afterwards, and then, just as Julie turned the TV off, he said in his normal voice “OK, Steve.  All done…. Pull your clothes on… We’ll watch TV for an hour or so, but its early to bed as we need to be there early tomorrow morning to get a good place.”

Dan and I sat side by side on the sofa as we watched one of those American crime shows, and Julie sat flicking through a magazine, until she got up to make us a mug of tea.  I turned to Dan, and keeping my voice low so that it couldn’t be heard, muttered “Bastard!  Making me cum….”

To my amazement, he risked kissing me, on the lips! “Shhhh, Steve…. I’m desperate for you, you know that by now.  And we could hardly fuck out there….  And you liked it, you know that…. “

Julie came back in then with the tea, and we all sat around just as if they were a normal married couple, with one of the husband’s mates paying a social visit.

I think Dan wanted to stay downstairs when Julie said it was time we all turned in, and he fussed around trying to get Julie to go up first – I was terrified, as if he did I suspected he’d want to fuck and I just knew I couldn’t do it  there on the couch with Julie upstairs, even though I really wanted him.  But she seemed to want to “play” with Dan, as she kept trying to get him to the stairs, and I heard her whisper  to him when she thought I wasn’t listening “Oh Dan… You haven’t been this alive on a Friday night for a long time…. You’re usually tired out….. So let’s make the most of it as you won’t be home early tomorrow after the show…. Come on, big boy…. Even though we can’t do it properly because of the baby, there was an article in my magazine this week about other ways of pleasing your man… Come on, it will be fun….”

Oh fuck me, I thought, as I realised what a situation we were in.  If Julie only knew how Dan and I “played”, and how he knew a few tricks of his own to please a man, as he’d been demonstrating only a few minutes before out in the kitchen….  It would be the end of their life together, I felt certain.

I lay on the sofa trying to sleep, but it wasn’t easy as there was a lot of stifled laughter coming through the ceiling, and I found myself becoming almost insanely jealous of what must be happening to Dan. Look, I’ve told you that I’m not one to fuck blokes, and it oughtn’t to have mattered to me, but as I lay there, I came to understand that Dan was very special to me, and that made it worse.  I wanted Dan, wanted to feel him near me, and we were so close, and yet so impossibly far apart.  I’m not usually one to be unhappy, but I realised I wasn’t happy now as I wanted Dan.  No, I needed him.

One way and the other I didn’t sleep well that night, and was not “rested” when Dan shook me awake on the Saturday morning – especially as he leaned over and gave me a light kiss, which made me feel worse.  “Come on, big boy…. Up and have a good bath, and a close shave…. We need to win today, remember…”

Julie had made us breakfast by the time I’d finished in the bathroom, and fussed around serving Dan and me, and then in making sure we were both “neat and tidy” before going out as “presentation” was so important in these shows.  Dan and I left and got into his car, and then as we drove off, I turned to him.  “Dan….. Can we stop, by the woods….”

“No.”

“Dan, please… Stop, please, so we can talk, and I can hold you….”

“Steve, no.  We’ve got to get to Clacton, and there’s no time for messing around….”

“Is that all it is to you, Dan?  ‘Messing around’?”

“NO, Steve!  You know that.  Look…..”  Dan seemed lost for words for a minute, then went on quietly “I’ve never felt this way about another bloke, Steve. And it doesn’t matter that you’re a slave.  If things were different I’d stop right now and hug you and kiss you…. But they’re not, are they?  People might notice my car stopped there….”

“So let’s stop somewhere else – I want you, Dan….”

“Steve, we’ve got to get to the Show.  There’s no time for that stuff now.  We’ve got to win, you know that – I need the money…”

“..for Julie.”

“Oh for Christ sake, Steve, don’t be fucking stupid! Of course I need it for Julie, and Shane, and the new baby….  Look, if I wasn’t married, and you weren’t a slave, then we could do all sorts of stuff, do it whenever we wanted.  But we’ve got to face reality, Steve:  I am married, and I owe a lot of money – not just on the mortgage and stuff like that, but you know that I had to borrow to buy you.  You’d better understand, and understand now, that I’m not going to give up my family for you, however much you mean to me, Steve.  And I’d never do anything to hurt Julie….”

“What about hurting me?  How do you think I feel, listening to you and Julie…?”

Keeping his eyes on the road, Dan lowered his voice a bit and muttered “Steve, I’m a married man.  I can’t not sleep with Julie…  But it’s you I want, Steve. You know that, don’t you?  You know what it’s like when we’re together…   But you’ve got to understand, Steve, that I’m not free….  And, anyway, you’re a man, a tough strong man…. You can’t be hurt by something like this….”

Well I wasn’t so sure bout that last bit.  I mean, in the army they kind of expect you to put up with pain and stuff when you’re training, and in battle…. And I was used to it.  But this was different – this wasn’t something I could see, like a broken leg…. This was a worse kind of pain, as it didn’t show.  I felt miserable, and muttered  “Dan, will we ever be able to be together?”

“Oh come on, Steve!  We are together!  Most blokes who go with each other don’t even live in the same house as each other, not like we do… If you weren’t my slave, and were just one of the normal workers on the site, the most we’d be able to manage would be a quick fumble in the lavatory at the pub.”

“It’s not enough, Dan…”

“Listen, you stupid idiot, it may not be enough, but that’s all there is, and that’s all there can be. I can’t – won’t – run out on my responsibilities.”

We were silent then for a bit.  I didn’t know what to say.  I didn’t know what to feel, more importantly.  I wanted Dan, wanted to be with him.  And even if there wasn’t the complication of  me being his slave, what the fuck could I do?  If I carried on demanding him, he might just walk away.  And if I even hinted to Julie, in the hope of splitting them up, and if Dan found out I had, it would be all over.  And that was just the position for two ordinary blokes – with me as Dan’s slave, and him having to make money out of me…  My head almost ached, and I sat there slumped in the seat, almost in despair.

It was Dan who broke the silence, and he sounded sad, but firm.  “Steve, look, I feel the same about you… I want you, I want to be with you…. But it can’t be that simple.  I have responsibilities, and that’s all there is to it.  But when we’re away like this, well….. Well we can almost pretend it’s just the two of us…”

“If that’s all there is….”

“Steve, I want there to be more, probably more than you do.  But there can’t be.  So let’s try and make the most of what we’ve got, shall we?”

I looked at him, and he glanced at me for a moment, and I realised we were both smiling.  “So stop the car, then, and let me fuck you….”

“No, Steve!  We’re on our way to show you at the Essex Slave Show, remember?  And you’ve got to win, boy, as we need the money.  And the way to win is to present you in absolutely perfect condition, not all worn out from having wasted his energy in fucking….”

“A good fuck sets me up fro the day, Dan…. Pull over….”

“NO, Steve!  But I tell you what – you win today, and you can have a special reward on the way home….”

Well, the Show was only a relatively local affair, so there weren’t all the heats and stuff.  But when we got to the preparation and rest area I was delighted to see Joe, who was looking in particularly fine form.  Mind you, I knew I was in better shape than he was, and as there were relatively few mid-Europeans entered that day, I felt certain I’d be winning the prize for Dan – for some reason the good inhabitants of Essex seemed to prefer Scandinavians, and  there were quite a lot of little pugnacious Welsh Celts roaming around, too, arguing with everyone and generally getting in the way.

I suppose I must have been getting used to it by now, or perhaps I just wanted to do the best I could for Dan, but having to parade round in the small G-string didn’t seem so bad – well, I have got a good body, and I suppose I was proud of it and wanted to show Dan that other men admired me too.  And when the judge told Dan to pull the string down so that he could examine my cock and balls, I didn’t even really mind that either – I stood there with my eyes locked on Dan’s as the judge fiddled with my cock, as if to say “This ought to be you, Dan.”

It was a terrible blow when I only came second, and Joe won!  Afterwards he stood there in the rest area with his big rosette clipped to his nip looking really pleased, and I didn’t know what to say – I mean, you need to congratulate another bloke when he’s won, don’t you?  But honestly, there’s no way that he ought to have as I was in so much better shape and condition – I’m not saying that Joe was fat or flabby or anything, just that I was absolutely superb, whereas he was very, very good indeed.  I couldn’t understand why the judges hadn’t recognised that.

Dan was talking to the Captain, Joe’s owner for a long time and I was impatient to leave as I wanted Dan so much.  So I was seething with  frustration as the two men talked and talked, and I could barely be civil to Joe who wanted to chat to me as we stood there pulling our clothes on.  But as I had nothing else to do I, after a time I clamed down a bit and Joe and I had quite an interesting discussion about slavery – he agreed that he had a pretty pampered life as the Captain’s “show animal”, but he was really worried about what was going to happen to him next as even he could see he was getting on and would be out of the ring in a few years.  Still, it was nice to speak to an older bloke and get a bit of his perspective on life, and he smiled when he asked me how I was getting on for sex, and whether Dan let me fuck…. I don’t think he quite believed me when I said I wasn’t in to that sort of thing!

When Dan and I finally left and got into the car I leaned across and pulled him close to me, and kissed him deeply, at the same time reaching down and starting to grab for his cock through his jeans.

“Steve, no…”

“Yes….”

“NO, Steve!  We’ve got to get home.  Julie’s expecting us.”

“It’s always Julie, isn’t it, Dan?  How about us?  Why can’t we go and find somewhere, and….”

“No, Steve!  I’ve told you this morning that I’m never going to upset Julie.  We’ll have sex when we can, but now isn’t the time…. We’ve got to get home.”

I sat there in silence for a bit, knowing he was right, I suppose, then decided to change the topic of conversation.  “Those fucking judges, though…. I know Joe was good, but I was better….”

Dan just nodded.

“It’s so fucking unfair!  There ought to be a right of appeal, or something….”

“Steve, don’t worry.  It would have been good to get the first prize, but there was a good load of cash with the second, too, that will be a real help.  It’s not your fault….”

“I know it’s not my fault, Dan!  It was that fucking judge… He must be fixated on older men, or something, to prefer Joe to me….”

“No, Steve, it’s not that.  It’s my fault, really.”

“Dan, of course it wasn’t!  You did all the preparation perfectly…”

“Not quite, Steve.  Look, there was an article in last week’s ‘Exhibitors’ Slave Guide’ saying how important it was for slaves to conform exactly to the breed standards, and how increasingly judges were changing the way they interpreted them.   And it specifically cited mid-Europeans as its example – the breed standard says that ‘Although the vast majority of European men are not circumcised, judges may award additional points for a particularly fine cock head, if this is displayed.’   It seems they’re starting to interpret this to mean that you can actually lose points if the cock head isn’t on view.  I should have done something about it, Steve – we both know you’ve got a fucking marvellous cock head, but the judge didn’t get to see it, did he?”

“Well you could hardly expect me to fuck him….”.  I grinned.

“Steve, this is serious!  If we lost the first prize today because the judge didn’t get a good look at your cock head then we’re in trouble – it’s not just the money, you know…. But the photoshoots and stuff like that:  I need to make money from the follow-on activities with you, too, and they want winners, Steve…..  No-one’s going go buy pictures of second-raters. “

“You can’t ask me to do that, Dan, please…. You know how it is – skinning back is really private:  you only show your head to people you’re really intimate with. You can’t expect a bloke to stand there in front of hundreds of people and ‘skin back….”

Dan was silent for a bit, then nodded.  “You’re right, I suppose.  And, anyway, unless you’re erect, skinning back just makes your cock look small.  “

We drove on in that companionable silence that two men can have together then, even men who are not lovers. It’s just good to sit silently with your best mate sometimes, isn’t it?  And of course it’s even better when you are with the bloke you really fancy, as I was.  After twenty minutes or so I even rested my hand on Dan’s thigh, and let it wander up to his crotch as I just enjoyed being able to do that – I wasn’t expecting him to stop or anything, but I did relish that special feeling of control you have when you’re holding a bloke’s cock, even casually.

Dan didn’t stop, though, and when we got back to the house Julie had supper for us and she and Dan sat there talking animatedly about the show, as I just tucked in as I was really hungry.  The only time I really added anything to the conversation was when Dan started saying how Joe had won, and then I told Julie about how unfair it all was, and how I’d been cheated, and how the judge must have had a thing for older men….

She smiled at me.  “Steve, you really are the limit! When you first came here you hated it all, hated being shown, having to display yourself… And now you’re cross because you didn’t win! That’s so typical of you men – you just can’t bear to be beaten:  you’re always competing with each other, always wanting to come out on top.  Why can’t you just accept that taking part in a slave show, or playing a game of football, or something, is just a ‘hobby’ and it’s the taking part that matters….”

“But we need to win… The money….”

Julie smiled again.  “Dan needs the money, Steve, and he wants you to win because of that.  But you want to win…. Because you want to win!  You don’t get the money, after all.”

That was, of course, a very perceptive remark.  I’ve always played games and stuff like that, and always play them hard, as hard as I can, as I like winning. But did I subconsciously enjoy displaying my body so much because of that desire to come out on top?  I sat there silently for a few moments, thinking about it, until Dan said he was tired out and was going up to bed, and led Julie to the stairs by the hand.

The next morning Dan woke me up and told me to turn out quick as we were going off to football, and as he pulled the blanket off me he even gave my cock a couple of quick strokes – not enough to bring me off, but enough so that when he stopped and pulled away I grabbed for his wrist to try to make him go on – but he took a quick step back so I was out of reach. “Come on, Steve…. I can see this is the only way I’m going to get you out of there in the morning….”

I stumbled to my feet and lunged for him, but he was too quick, and we were both laughing then.  “Please, Dan…”

“Steve…. Julie’s upstairs…. Now, come on!  We’ve got a match to go to….”

Like most Sundays it turned out that Dan’s team was short of men, so once more I joined the others at the side of the road stripping off and pulling our kit on – I did at least have some clean kit now as Julie washed another set, but it was still very tight on me as Dan didn’t want to spend cash on buying me my own and I had to wear his spares.  It was almost comical, really, the way the blokes tried to strip their jeans off and then pull their shorts on as they tried to look unconcerned as the traffic whizzed by – I reckon I was the only one who didn’t mind at all – I reckon I was used to being on display by now and standing there in my underpants was no big deal for me.

I’ve told you I was a real asset to that team, as not only was I fit, but the other side really did hesitate to tackle me hard, and if  I charged at them they tended to let me have the ball.  That meant the game was tough for me as I needed to keep running almost all the ninety minutes and didn’t really ever have a chance to stop, so at the end of it I was pretty exhausted and really looking forward to the shower and the traditional few pints in the pub afterwards.    I saw Dan talking to some of the other blokes as we straggled off the field towards the changing and showers block, and once we were inside it was much the same as usual – the loud banter about sex and stuff, and  everyone stripping off and walking to the shower area.  And as usual one or two of them thought it was OK to run their hand over my bum, or even grab for my cock, all “as a joke”, of course, as “Steve’s a slave, and it’s not like you’re doing it to a man.”

As usual I stood there enjoying the hot water and the smell of the soap and the camaraderie of being in a team, and that fantastic way your body is after hard exercise.  I turned away from them for a minute to wash my cock properly, as I hadn’t showered that morning so there’d be stuff lodged under my ‘skin, and went back towards the changing area, towelling myself roughly.

At first, when they grabbed me, I thought it was a prank – you know the sort of things that blokes do in the changing room:  they were going to push me out of the doors naked, or something like that (not that I’d have cared all that much).  So I didn’t resist, as five of the team grabbed me and pushed me over towards one of the open benches in the middle of the room. But when they sat on me, straddling my body and legs so  I couldn’t move, I thought the joke was going a bit far, and began to struggle – but by then it was too late as even though  I’m strong and fit, there’s just no way that you can throw that many bodies off you.  Dan knelt down by me then, and looked at me. “I’m sorry about this, Steve,  but it’s got to be done….  And if I took you to the hospital, it would cost a lot of money as it’s entirely optional for slaves and it’s not medically necessary.  But Ray’s a nurse, and he does this sort of thing all the time…. So I rang him up this morning and asked him to bring some stuff with him….”

Ray,  a pretty quiet sort of bloke who usually just sat there over his pint afterwards, now crouched down.  He had that “reassuring” kind of voice that doctors and people use – brisk, no nonsense, I’m-not-accepting-any- argument, tones.  “Now, Steve, don’t worry, mate.  I know what I’m doing, as the surgeons routinely let us nurses do this.  It only takes a minute or two…  It will hurt a bit, I’m not going to pretend it won’t , but Dan tells me you’re an ex-soldier so I expect you can take it…. We normally give anaesthetic, of course, but I’m not licensed to do that so we’re going to have to manage without.  But the lads here will hold you down, which is how they used to do operations in the old days….”

“What the fuck….”

“Shut up, Steve!”, Dan snapped.  “I told you yesterday that the breed standard gives points for seeing the cock head.  Well, there’s a simple way to fix that, so I’ve asked Ray to circumcise you.  He does it all the time at the hospital, as he’s said….”

“NO……”.  I was shouting at Dan, trying to get him to change his mind, but halfway through the word my shout of anger changed to a big howl of pain as Ray sliced into my foreskin with a disposable scalpel he’d hauled out of his kit bag.

It wasn’t “all over in a couple of minutes”, though. At least five, by my reckoning.   And it hurt, hurt like hell.  And what was I supposed to do as Ray sliced away at me?  I was being held down by my team mates, and I didn’t want to look like a wimp to them, did I?  But al l the same, I just couldn’t control myself and my body and legs tried to thrash around as Ray worked on.  It’s not so much that it hurt like when you’ve broken an arm or something and it’s hanging loose and sending those terrible aching signals to the brain  – no, this was a succession of sharp, stinging pains as the scalpel bit, and then as he used a needle to sew up the open wound, and finally I gave a big roar of pain as Ray slathered the area in antiseptic.

They got off me, then, and I got to my feet, looking down at my cock which now had the end all covered in an elastic bandage.  The other blokes all stood around, and several of them had their hands on their crotches as if that would in some way ward of the same thing happening to them.  “Fucking hell, Steve”, one of them muttered… “I couldn’t have had that done to me without screaming the place down….”

Dan looked really worried, as he tried to be matter-of-fact and businesslike. “OK, Steve, all done…. Pull your clothes on, as these guys are all waiting to go to the pub….”

“Dan…. why…”

“Steve, shut up!  We’ll talk about it later….”

“It will be too late then…”

“Oh come on, Steve:  it’s too late now. What’s done is done.  Now stop whining, get some clothes on, and let’s get off…..”

Well, what choice did I have, really?  And at the pub they were all so nice to me, coming up and joking, and saying how they couldn’t have stood it, and stuff like that.  And when Ray came over, he just said “No hard feeling, eh, Steve?  Sorry about the pain, but I hope you understand….”

“Understand that you fucking cut me….”

“Steve, I’m sorry.  But Dan asked me to, and if you’d come to the hospital it would have been really expensive as this sort of stuff, if it’s not medically necessary, comes under ‘cosmetic surgery’ and would really have cost….  Anyway, I did a pretty good job, I reckon, as you’ll see in a day or two – you’ll have a nice smooth shaft still as I’ve sewn it neatly, and you’ll still be able to have a proper erection as I’m not the kind of butcher who cuts too much away…. But don’t wank for a week or so, and no sex for at least three weeks, OK?”

“Ray, you operated on me without my consent…. What about medical ethics?”

“Dan did consent, Steve.  The owner always has to do that when we operate on a slave, so there’s no problem there.”

“Hey”, one of the other guys shouted.  “Steve’s got to be off sex for three weeks!  Hey, Dan, do you let Steve screw, then?  I thought slaves just had to wank themselves!”

There was a lot of laughter from the other guys, but when Dan answered they all fell silent.  “Hey, Steve’s not married or living with a girl friend, like most of us are.  So you’d expect a bloke like him to wank, wouldn’t you?  But he does have sex as well, sometimes – in fact, as soon as he’s healed, he’s going to be starring  in a series of porn videos…. I’ve signed him up!”  

To be continued …

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